It's Fricking DEGRASSI. But a bright, 7th-Heaven-esque Ending

As always, I am not actually trying to make excuses, I'm trying to provide understanding. And, it's not that I fight with people because I'm not happy. I've noticed that there are times where I am fighting with pretty much every person in my life, including myself. And I've kind of spotted a pattern. In this general order, the following occurs:

1. I have a panic attack, to varying degrees of severity. Usually they're no big deal.
2. I have a mental-breakdown, more commonly called a "cry day."
3. I have very very very bad thoughts.
4. I have little personality or energy or words.
5. I stop feeling, both physically and emotionally.
6. I start fighting with people. (This may be a subconscious "make-me-feel-something" thing)
7. I fight with almost anyone.
8. I feel... (insert adjective/feeling/noun here)
9. I try to patch things up
10. I try to get things back to normal

And from there, the cycle continues. Right now, I am at both Stage Three and Stage Nine. How I'm doing both, I have no fucking clue. What I do know, however, is that it's not very fun. But at least I can identify that I'm at Stage Three and just be very careful. Sometims I can manage to stay in Stage Four long enough for the cycle to ride itself out without progressing.

There are a few things I've noticed when I'm in Cycle Mode.

• It's usually during the school year
• I'm usually NOT on my period
• It's usually when it's rainy/cloudy/dark outside
• It's usually when I have recieved new band music (or, if something big for Band is coming up)
• It's usually when I am also having my insecurities shoved into my face.

This is the first time I've gone into Cycle Mode this early into the school year, but maybe that's just me being a psycho.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS! It has been brought to my attention that someone at that huge place I work cares about me enough to send a rose. Speculation has been made that the sender is a male, however, we have no proof of such a claim. I have narrowed it down to either a guy Bubbles works with, a guy at the Slide, or someone I don't even know. Yeah, I know that there's a possibility that someone lied to me, and I'm very naive and am frequently lied to. However, I do not think that anyone at work lied to me. I'm kinda hoping it's Bubbles's co-worker. He's kinda cute! But Bubbles tells me that he might not put much thought into such things. I think that it might be safe to assume that he is a possibility. Of course, it's just as likely that it's not him, but oh well. I kinda hope it's not the guy from Slide that I'm thinking of that sent it. Because he's a little bit of a loser.

Peace, love, and Pre-Calculus homework.

Catnip.