Selfishism

Each night, I can't quite decide what the general subject of my post will be. I turn to whatever friend I am talking to online at the time, and ask them what the topic should be. Tonight, Bubbles has suggested that I do one about her. This was a fair enough suggestion, so then the following conversation took place:

Me: Okay. I have two I can use. Pick one, A or B?

Bubbles: Hm... A.

Me: Okay.

So just to let you know, Bubbles, you picked this one.

Bubbles is an actress. She goes to school to be an actress. She has talent being an actress. But, of course, we don't live in an area that has a high demand for actresses. So Bubbles, being the forward-thinking girl she is, has decided that she wants to move to either Los Angeles or New York in search of (a) a continuing education and (b) a career. From what I gather from her, she's leaning towards Los Angeles. And, as I have explained previously, we live in Maryland.

Bubbles is my best friend. I may not necessarily be hers, but she is mine. And Bubbles and I have gone through a lot together, both with each other or using each other for support. And once, we had a fight that I thought was going to seriously discontinue our friendship. I was being totally paranoid, of course, like I usually am, but it started me thinking about what would happen if there was no more Bubbles in my life. It's kind of a scary thought. Well, except...

When Bubbles goes to Los Angeles, I will still be here. She will be off doing what she loves, in a place where she will be happy. I will be here, in the mundane sarcasm that my life has become. She will be in another time zone, another life, another world. She will be too busy to talk to me, or probably even to think of me. And I feel selfish for pointing it out. But at the same time, I think it's kinda true.

Bubbles is the one person I go to when I need someone to talk to (except, of course, when I feel like talking to her would not be entirely beneficial). Bubbles helped me get through probably the worst time of my life (and that may not have ended yet, I don't know). Bubbles has, essentially, saved me. She helped me stop cutting. She's shown me what problems eating disorders can cause. Unknowingly, she's kept me from suicide.

Again, I know I sound selfish for saying this.

But I don't want her to leave.