Sunday, August 17, 2008

The King of Geese is Scary


It didn't really happen the way the above image says it did. Teapot and I are good friends. He knew what I was doing to myself. He tried to understand. Then he had a bad day. He did what I did. He later confessed. Every day I try to forget that it is partially my fault that he did what he did. He probably knew other cutters. That does not change the fact that I told him about the "positives" that accompanied it. So, Teapot, I am sorry if I ruined what would have been left of your innocence.
I don't quite remember when Bubbles actually found out about my cutting. I honestly don't think I told her, but perhaps I've forgotten. After all, I can't even truly remember when I started. Just that I started, and that Bubbles found out. What I do remember, though, is that Bubbles and I were chatting about it one night online, and I asked (semi-rhetorically) what actually made me decide to start cutting. After all, I'd lived a pretty sheltered life and had been raised to believe that cutting was for nothing more than attention. Bubbles then said something to the effect of "Because I told you to." And I, of course, pointed out that she did not do any such thing. And then she pointed out that "Not directly, but by telling you my past with cutting, it may have affected you in some way." And as much as this is probably true... I don't think that's the actual reason I started cutting. And I wonder, sometimes, if she thinks about that conversation. And I wonder, sometimes, if she blames herself. And, Bubbles, if you do... don't. And if you don't think about it... then good for you. You've learned how to not dwell on every little detail. Yay.
That's my story. Well. More like their stories.

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