For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die

Yes, I've finally returned to my PostSecret format. Yay. I was talking to Bubbles, and I was jokingly trying to convince her to return to high school. I didn't tell her quite why, but then I started thinking about it. You know, high school is a sucky, sucky place. And thinking about that made me start thinking about other things that have crossed my mind recently.


I hate school. Like, I know everyone does, but for some reason it's just... really, really bad with me. Like, I sit in math class and picture myself jumping out the window. I gaze off into space during my Heaven and Hell class and resist the urge to walk out of the building and into busy traffic. But, you know, that's just me being a moody teenager.

Lately, though, I've been thinking that I want to drop out of high school. I feel that staying in high school poses a risk to my life. I also don't want to go to college, but that is for another paragraph. Let me tell you 'bout high school. I have no friends. I have no boyfriend. I am basically a social cast-out. (Oh, and before you all start screaming, I know I have friends. But I don't have friends that I can talk to, you know? I love my friends to death, but really, I can't really talk to them.)

College is going to be filled with new people. People who will probably find me to be weird. Except, of course, the weird people. I'd like to be normal in college. But that won't happen. I'd like to live through college. That might not happen either. Hell, I might not make it into college. Or if I do, I will be a changed person. Maybe into the person I want to be.

College is going to, hopefully, free me from my house. The bad thing about that, though, is that I will have less of a reason to use my conscience. Most of the time, I don't do something because my mom wouldn't want me to, or one of my friends wouldn't want me to, and they would inevitably find out. But if I go off to college, I will basically be isolated from friends and family and, therefore, would be free to carry on like I've been doing in secret. At the same time, though, being off at college means no one will be pushing me to do some kind of homework-type thing.

I could go on and on about college, but here's the point: The view I'm seeing of college makes it appear scary and isolated.

Peace, love, and cancer sticks.