Tonight marks exactly one week that I've been in college. I've noticed a few things. I've noticed that I really don't miss home as much as I thought I would, but I do miss my mommy. I've also noticed that it's much easier to get work done when you can control what time you get up in the morning and how much time you have between classes. I've noticed that I am much happier here at this time than I was at school this time last year. Except.... until I remembered last fall. I was a mess last fall. You all know this, because I started my blog last summer. Maybe it's the fact that my two best friends up here are in the process of pairing up (which was completely unexpected for me and one of these friends) and my irrational fear of being alone forever is, well, being confirmed in my mind, right in front of my eyes. Maybe it's the fact that one of these friends dragged me to go see a scary movie (Drag Me to Hell) and I was completely unphased by the entire thing (it wasn't scary. At all.). Or maybe it's the fact that I've felt a panic attack coming on for three days and it hasn't happened yet, and I'm scared for when it does happen, because I won't have control of my location or company. Right now I'm in my room alone, as my roommate is probably out at a party, and everyone else is off doing their thing. (BTW, everyone please pray for Bubbles's grandfather, who is in the hospital.).
I thought college was a good thing. But, see, being alone at home is different from being alone three hours from home. At least home's comfortable. This new place is comfortable... but has that strong sense of isolation with it as well. Oh well. At least the campus is gorgeous.
Peace, love, and crazy Eastern European ladies who curse buttons.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
It's the Old Format!!!
I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Like, even before the dreaded event almost a week ago.There are a few things I want in life. I want a career I love. I want a son named Adam Michael. I want a daughter with an unusual but practical name, like Evelyn or Lucille. I want to live in a nice house in a suburb, with a lawn and maybe a neighborhood park. And I want to get married.
They're all nice ambitions, right? One problem though: there's kind of an order that needs to be followed. And if one doesn't happen, the ones that follow it won't happen. My ideal order is:
- Career
- Married
- Suburb
- Son
- Daughter
So what does all this have to do with the PostSecret above?
I'm afraid I'll never get married. I'm behind in the dating world. While the rest of my friends have been dating and having sex since age 12, I wasn't considered dateable until I was almost eighteen years old. And I'm saving myself for marriage. That seems to annoy people.
I can imagine various details about my wedding: my dress (big and poofy), my bridesmaid's dresses (green), and sometimes even the venue (specifically, one of the local Catholic churches that, once I start going to church again, is my pick of what parish I would belong to).
What can't I imagine? The man I'll be marrying. I mean, I know that I can't imagine that because I probably haven't met him yet, but it annoys me that I've never actually had someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. I can't even imagine what qualities that person might have. And I'm afraid that since I don't even know what I want, I'll never have that. But I think I have another problem. See, I'm a diehard romantic. But I'm also very, very in touch with reality. I've seen that marriages don't always work out. I've seen how modern society works. The romantic side of me is relatively old-fashioned. A lot of guys think that's a turn off. I guess the one quality I know I'll find in the man I end up marrying is that he'll love my old-fashioned perspective... even if his isn't.
And if I don't get married? I dunno. Maybe I'll be a workaholic until my brain crumbles into crazy-cat-lady mode.
That's my ramble for tonight.
Peace, love, and stuffed mushrooms.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Waking Hours
I couldn't sleep last night, which is why I graced you all with that lovely rendition of the story of my relationship. It's been a weird 24 hours.
I have a slight cut on my ankle from a shaving accident a couple weeks ago. Once I *finally* got to sleep last night, I slept for an hour before discovering that said cut had started to bleed. So after I applied a random T-shirt to said gushing wound, I fell back into a slightly unrestful sleep. I'm not gonna lie, I thought the uncontrollable sobbing would have tired me out enough to sleep. But then the thunderstorm came, and I found myself awake, and crying.
I made it through today without crying, or even getting choked up. I'm very proud of myself. I mean, it's not like I just went through a frickin' divorce or anything... but it still hurts. I didn't think it would happen so soon, or like this.... and I suppose I'm just expected to pretend I'm all right and talk to him like nothing's wrong. Or maybe he hurts as much as I do, but since he's a male he won't actually admit it. He still hasn't really acknowledged that the relationship is over, even though technically, although it was mutual, *he* broke it off.
All right. Well. At this point I'm just bein' an emo kid. So I'm just gonna leave it here.
Peace, love, and cake in a microwave.
I have a slight cut on my ankle from a shaving accident a couple weeks ago. Once I *finally* got to sleep last night, I slept for an hour before discovering that said cut had started to bleed. So after I applied a random T-shirt to said gushing wound, I fell back into a slightly unrestful sleep. I'm not gonna lie, I thought the uncontrollable sobbing would have tired me out enough to sleep. But then the thunderstorm came, and I found myself awake, and crying.
I made it through today without crying, or even getting choked up. I'm very proud of myself. I mean, it's not like I just went through a frickin' divorce or anything... but it still hurts. I didn't think it would happen so soon, or like this.... and I suppose I'm just expected to pretend I'm all right and talk to him like nothing's wrong. Or maybe he hurts as much as I do, but since he's a male he won't actually admit it. He still hasn't really acknowledged that the relationship is over, even though technically, although it was mutual, *he* broke it off.
All right. Well. At this point I'm just bein' an emo kid. So I'm just gonna leave it here.
Peace, love, and cake in a microwave.
Sleepless
So, it's been over a month since I last posted. My apologies.
What's happened in that time?
I got my laptop back. And Tubaman and I broke up. And right now, I can't sleep, so instead I will tell the story of Tubaman and Bassoonage.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Catnip, who went by Bassoonage when she was at school. Anyway, Bassoonage was given the honor of being in the pit orchestra for the school musical. This is when she met Tubaman, the tuba player from her concert ensemble who would later become the tuba player for the musical. Eventually, during tech week for the show, Tubaman and Bassoonage started "talking" in the sense that the beginnings of some kind of relationship were there, but Bassoonage didn't know what was going on because she was a silly, naive girl, as she has been for most of her life.
There was a complication at this early part of our story. You see, Tubaman was believed to be dating, or at least "talking," with one of the trombone players, who was soon kicked out of school for truancy. And so Bassoonage just wrote off any advances Tubaman made towards her as typically strange male behavior. Which was probably how this should have been interpreted, because all males are strange. However. Our story does continue henceforth.
Both Tubaman and Bassoonage live their lives accordingly. In the middle of December, "talking" commences between the two again, because they have both been forced to spend much time at school for the Christmas Fine Arts Festival. During this time, Tubaman asks for and receives Bassoonage's cell phone number. But nothing happens. Meanwhile, Bassoonage does not get her hopes up at all because any relationship between the two would never, ever work out for more than a week... or so she feared.
You see, there were many distinct differences between Bassoonage and Tubaman. Bassoonage was a painfully shy, awkward Senior who was going through her rebellious phase and trying to find herself while dealing with being the odd, creatively challenged, nerdy, slightly overweight and aesthetically-challenged, naive young thing she was. Bassoonage was as white as the cinderblock walls of the school, and as athletic as a one-year-old with a stomach ache. Tubaman, on the other hand, was a well-adjusted, outgoing Sophomore to whom social interaction came easily. Tubaman was experienced in the world, a popular young man who was a talented soccer player and lacrosse player hailing from Jamaica, and essentially the paragon of perfection to many, many young ladies in the school.
It came to pass that Tubaman and Bassoonage had a common half-hour of free time together on certain schedule days, and the two came to know each other better. Bassoonage, in her final year of high school, found that the Prom, the highlight of her entire high school career, was drawing nearer, yet she had no date. Thus she decided to ask her good friend Tubaman, whom she was increasingly becoming fond of. And thus it came to pass that the two would go to the prom together.
As the annual band trip also came upon our two young musicians, it was unknowingly agreed upon that Tubaman and Bassoonage would spend their time exclusively together on the trip. Somehow, the untrue word that the two were dating spread around the music ensembles, and by the end of the trip, the relationship was almost official. Almost.
The two continued to spend time together, and after a full day of enjoying each others' company during the semi-annual Honor Band festivities, Tubaman bestowed a kiss unto Bassoonage in the evening. All was blissful in both worlds, and both young people were very happy. Through more discussion the following day, a relationship between Tubaman and Bassoonage became official.
Enthralled with the new bond, there was nary a quarrel between the two. The Prom came around, and it was indeed a perfect evening for Tubaman and Bassoonage. The 18th Birthday of Bassoonage came around, and Tubaman was sure to show her a lovely time. Graduation came around, and as Bassoonage left behind her high school life, Tubaman was sure to prove how proud he was of his beloved Bassoonage.
Eventually, though, Tubaman and Bassoonage began to quarrel. Bassoonage knew that the relationship would soon end because she would be leaving soon for college, and Tubaman would be left behind to finish high school. Then, one night, some of Tubaman's friends took hold of his cell phone and replied to Bassoonage's text messages in a very unpleasant manner, calling her terrible names and telling her that Tubaman disliked her. Bassoonage felt very bad through this whole ordeal; she had been less than a proper lady when she had been with Tubaman during the day and had meant to apologize, but was instead met with this torture. Bassoonage admitted to the friends that she was indeed unfit to be in a relationship with Tubaman, and asked that the message please be passed on that Tubaman should call Bassoonage at his earliest convenience. The conversation was brief, because Tubaman had other affairs to attend to. Bassoonage, however, felt that the situation had properly been remedied, and returned to her daily routines.
Meanwhile, all Bassoonage truly wanted was to be held by her Tubaman, to hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him, because for some reason she really felt the need for such activities to occur. Bassoonage thought of nothing else during this time.
A few days after the quarrel with Tubaman's friends, however, Bassoonage mentioned something about their relationship to Tubaman, who replied that he thought that the relationship had ended on Bassoonage's word. Bassoonage was confused, but after further discussion it was decided that Bassoonage and Tubaman would no longer be together. Bassoonage did her best to remain strong, but it hurt her badly. She had not expected the relationship to end in such a manner, and she would never get one last chance to be with Tubaman before the relationship ended. Tubaman assured her that she would find someone else who should treat her better, but this was hard for Bassoonage to imagine, for Tubaman had treated her so well. Bassoonage replied by assuring Tubaman that he would always be able to find someone more worthy than she had been, but Tubaman would not hear of such a thing. The two decided to remain friendly, but in truth Bassoonage knew it would be a long time before any contact with Tubaman would not result in her lamenting tears.
The End.
R.I.P my relationship: April 5, 2009, until July 27, 2009. Begun and ended in a text message.
More to come when I've gotten this out of my system. There's your story.
Peace, love, and sleepless nights.
What's happened in that time?
I got my laptop back. And Tubaman and I broke up. And right now, I can't sleep, so instead I will tell the story of Tubaman and Bassoonage.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Catnip, who went by Bassoonage when she was at school. Anyway, Bassoonage was given the honor of being in the pit orchestra for the school musical. This is when she met Tubaman, the tuba player from her concert ensemble who would later become the tuba player for the musical. Eventually, during tech week for the show, Tubaman and Bassoonage started "talking" in the sense that the beginnings of some kind of relationship were there, but Bassoonage didn't know what was going on because she was a silly, naive girl, as she has been for most of her life.
There was a complication at this early part of our story. You see, Tubaman was believed to be dating, or at least "talking," with one of the trombone players, who was soon kicked out of school for truancy. And so Bassoonage just wrote off any advances Tubaman made towards her as typically strange male behavior. Which was probably how this should have been interpreted, because all males are strange. However. Our story does continue henceforth.
Both Tubaman and Bassoonage live their lives accordingly. In the middle of December, "talking" commences between the two again, because they have both been forced to spend much time at school for the Christmas Fine Arts Festival. During this time, Tubaman asks for and receives Bassoonage's cell phone number. But nothing happens. Meanwhile, Bassoonage does not get her hopes up at all because any relationship between the two would never, ever work out for more than a week... or so she feared.
You see, there were many distinct differences between Bassoonage and Tubaman. Bassoonage was a painfully shy, awkward Senior who was going through her rebellious phase and trying to find herself while dealing with being the odd, creatively challenged, nerdy, slightly overweight and aesthetically-challenged, naive young thing she was. Bassoonage was as white as the cinderblock walls of the school, and as athletic as a one-year-old with a stomach ache. Tubaman, on the other hand, was a well-adjusted, outgoing Sophomore to whom social interaction came easily. Tubaman was experienced in the world, a popular young man who was a talented soccer player and lacrosse player hailing from Jamaica, and essentially the paragon of perfection to many, many young ladies in the school.
It came to pass that Tubaman and Bassoonage had a common half-hour of free time together on certain schedule days, and the two came to know each other better. Bassoonage, in her final year of high school, found that the Prom, the highlight of her entire high school career, was drawing nearer, yet she had no date. Thus she decided to ask her good friend Tubaman, whom she was increasingly becoming fond of. And thus it came to pass that the two would go to the prom together.
As the annual band trip also came upon our two young musicians, it was unknowingly agreed upon that Tubaman and Bassoonage would spend their time exclusively together on the trip. Somehow, the untrue word that the two were dating spread around the music ensembles, and by the end of the trip, the relationship was almost official. Almost.
The two continued to spend time together, and after a full day of enjoying each others' company during the semi-annual Honor Band festivities, Tubaman bestowed a kiss unto Bassoonage in the evening. All was blissful in both worlds, and both young people were very happy. Through more discussion the following day, a relationship between Tubaman and Bassoonage became official.
Enthralled with the new bond, there was nary a quarrel between the two. The Prom came around, and it was indeed a perfect evening for Tubaman and Bassoonage. The 18th Birthday of Bassoonage came around, and Tubaman was sure to show her a lovely time. Graduation came around, and as Bassoonage left behind her high school life, Tubaman was sure to prove how proud he was of his beloved Bassoonage.
Eventually, though, Tubaman and Bassoonage began to quarrel. Bassoonage knew that the relationship would soon end because she would be leaving soon for college, and Tubaman would be left behind to finish high school. Then, one night, some of Tubaman's friends took hold of his cell phone and replied to Bassoonage's text messages in a very unpleasant manner, calling her terrible names and telling her that Tubaman disliked her. Bassoonage felt very bad through this whole ordeal; she had been less than a proper lady when she had been with Tubaman during the day and had meant to apologize, but was instead met with this torture. Bassoonage admitted to the friends that she was indeed unfit to be in a relationship with Tubaman, and asked that the message please be passed on that Tubaman should call Bassoonage at his earliest convenience. The conversation was brief, because Tubaman had other affairs to attend to. Bassoonage, however, felt that the situation had properly been remedied, and returned to her daily routines.
Meanwhile, all Bassoonage truly wanted was to be held by her Tubaman, to hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him, because for some reason she really felt the need for such activities to occur. Bassoonage thought of nothing else during this time.
A few days after the quarrel with Tubaman's friends, however, Bassoonage mentioned something about their relationship to Tubaman, who replied that he thought that the relationship had ended on Bassoonage's word. Bassoonage was confused, but after further discussion it was decided that Bassoonage and Tubaman would no longer be together. Bassoonage did her best to remain strong, but it hurt her badly. She had not expected the relationship to end in such a manner, and she would never get one last chance to be with Tubaman before the relationship ended. Tubaman assured her that she would find someone else who should treat her better, but this was hard for Bassoonage to imagine, for Tubaman had treated her so well. Bassoonage replied by assuring Tubaman that he would always be able to find someone more worthy than she had been, but Tubaman would not hear of such a thing. The two decided to remain friendly, but in truth Bassoonage knew it would be a long time before any contact with Tubaman would not result in her lamenting tears.
The End.
R.I.P my relationship: April 5, 2009, until July 27, 2009. Begun and ended in a text message.
More to come when I've gotten this out of my system. There's your story.
Peace, love, and sleepless nights.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lalalalala
Greetings, people!
According to Blogger, my last post was.... February 8. What is today? Today, my friends, is June 18. So what does this mean to you? Probably nothing. You probably barely noticed my absence. But for those of you who DID, and miss my life and its stories, let me give you a brief run-through of life since then. Please note that February and March are horrible blurs I never want to think about again.
February: Uh.... Valentine's Day? I curled up in a ball and slept. I don't mind V-Day though. I was just very tired most likely.
March: Uh... From the endish of February to the beginning of March, my mommy was in the hospital with a kidney infection. She's fine now. But I had to take her place taking care of the house while she was sick. March 3rd was her birthday. I made her a cake. That cake lasted until late April. No lie. (But the cake is a lie?) Later that month, blurring into April....
April: I started/continued talking to Tubaman, who may get his own post eventually. Then he asked me out (like, all official-like, which will get its own post) on April 5, 2009. Aprilaprilapril... Could not have finished fast enough. Like, really, when was May going to get there? Also, my laptop contracted Swine Flu and had to be sent to my friend's house to be analyzed for repairs.
May: Right off the bat, I turned 18. May 4, 2009. This will slightly complicate things with Tubaman, but that will be discussed the next time I post (if I remember). Still no word on the laptop. Prom with Tubaman. Dramallamallama. Finals. News that the hard drive in my laptop died, and that it will be $80 to get a new one. Gradjitation (May 23). I win. Laptop was said to have been available by that date. Two days later, I find out that laptop is indefinitely being held until the part comes in.
June: The part still isn't in. I really hate using the desktop (hence why I haven't blogged). I managed to rid the desktop of its viruses though. Go me. In other news, Tubaman and I are still together, but I'm not sure for how much longer. Also, Bubbles seems to have vanished. I mean, I'm sure if I hired a bloodhound like the cat does in the kitty litter commercial, I could find her. And I know she's still alive, because she sent me a chain text! All is not lost with my Bubbles! But I don't know why she hasn't responded to my IMs. I do hope she's okay. She's my best friend after all.
So what does the future hold for me as of now? This weekend, I'm going to Frostburg, MD, for Preview FSU, which is like a pre-orientation thingy. I really don't want to go, actually, but I have to. Oh well. I said the same thing about Senior Retreat in April/May and ended up having a good time.
Oh, and I have another post already generated in my head. (Not the Tubaman post, though.)
Peace, love, and Bobcats.
According to Blogger, my last post was.... February 8. What is today? Today, my friends, is June 18. So what does this mean to you? Probably nothing. You probably barely noticed my absence. But for those of you who DID, and miss my life and its stories, let me give you a brief run-through of life since then. Please note that February and March are horrible blurs I never want to think about again.
February: Uh.... Valentine's Day? I curled up in a ball and slept. I don't mind V-Day though. I was just very tired most likely.
March: Uh... From the endish of February to the beginning of March, my mommy was in the hospital with a kidney infection. She's fine now. But I had to take her place taking care of the house while she was sick. March 3rd was her birthday. I made her a cake. That cake lasted until late April. No lie. (But the cake is a lie?) Later that month, blurring into April....
April: I started/continued talking to Tubaman, who may get his own post eventually. Then he asked me out (like, all official-like, which will get its own post) on April 5, 2009. Aprilaprilapril... Could not have finished fast enough. Like, really, when was May going to get there? Also, my laptop contracted Swine Flu and had to be sent to my friend's house to be analyzed for repairs.
May: Right off the bat, I turned 18. May 4, 2009. This will slightly complicate things with Tubaman, but that will be discussed the next time I post (if I remember). Still no word on the laptop. Prom with Tubaman. Dramallamallama. Finals. News that the hard drive in my laptop died, and that it will be $80 to get a new one. Gradjitation (May 23). I win. Laptop was said to have been available by that date. Two days later, I find out that laptop is indefinitely being held until the part comes in.
June: The part still isn't in. I really hate using the desktop (hence why I haven't blogged). I managed to rid the desktop of its viruses though. Go me. In other news, Tubaman and I are still together, but I'm not sure for how much longer. Also, Bubbles seems to have vanished. I mean, I'm sure if I hired a bloodhound like the cat does in the kitty litter commercial, I could find her. And I know she's still alive, because she sent me a chain text! All is not lost with my Bubbles! But I don't know why she hasn't responded to my IMs. I do hope she's okay. She's my best friend after all.
So what does the future hold for me as of now? This weekend, I'm going to Frostburg, MD, for Preview FSU, which is like a pre-orientation thingy. I really don't want to go, actually, but I have to. Oh well. I said the same thing about Senior Retreat in April/May and ended up having a good time.
Oh, and I have another post already generated in my head. (Not the Tubaman post, though.)
Peace, love, and Bobcats.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I recognize this song, but I have no idea what it is.
It's been a rough couple of days. To sum it all up, my "best friends" at school have accused me of lusting after one girl's boyfriend. I have no interest in him whatsoever. And they all turned on me. But I'm not going to let it get to me because I have bigger things to worry about. Like how I think this person I know may have a "thing" with the object of my affection. But I'm probably just being paranoid. Especially considering early in the week I could've sworn I was getting signs that he might be interested in me. That was probably just wishful thinking though. But who knows?
I'd like to apologize for my last post. Please disregard it.
I have little intention of doing a real post this week.
Peace, love, and STRING QUARTET TRIBUTE!
I'd like to apologize for my last post. Please disregard it.
I have little intention of doing a real post this week.
Peace, love, and STRING QUARTET TRIBUTE!
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