Sunny Side Up

Today, I discovered the secret to amazing scrambled eggs. They're relatively simple, and quite delicious. First, let me tell you about eggs. They're loaded with protein and they taste great. The best part, though, is that your average Grade A large egg only has about seventy-four calories in it, making it a healthy snack you won't regret. Here's what you need to do.

The Perfect Scrambled Egg

Ingredients:
One large egg
One teaspoon reduced fat or fat free milk (or more, I just kinda splashed it in there)
Non-stick cooking spray
Salt, if desired

Process:
First, spray the inside of a small microwave-safe bowl (known to some as a "custard cup." Plastic is not reccomended.) generously with cooking spray. Second, crack the egg into the bowl. Remove any small pieces of egg shell. Next, poke the still-whole yolk with a fork until the inside starts to run. Then, whisk the egg using the fork (if you've never made scrambled eggs before, this involves tilting the bowl ever-so-slightly and quickly making a circular motion with the fork until the egg yolk and whites are all nice and mixed.). After this, add the milk and whisk the eggs again. The egg mixture should be nice and frothy. Some people like to add salt at this step, but I did not because it slipped my mind. At this point, you want to cover the bowl with something, preferably a paper towel, and stick it into the microwave. Cooking times at this point may vary, but you will want to cook this on HIGH power for about 45 seconds. Remove the bowl from the microwave. You should see a solid egg mass floating in liquid egg. Using your fork, flip the egg solid over in the bowl, and put the bowl back in for fifteen seconds. No more, no less. When you take the bowl out this time, you should have a nice, fluffy, round scrambled egg. Invert the bowl onto a plate, top with whatever (personally, I enjoy quality hot sauce when the mood strikes me.). Then eat the egg and try to control yourself while you experience an orgasm in your mouth.

Penny for your thoughts.

Friendship is a mutual thing, I've learned. You gotta give, you gotta get. My friend J recently wrote something on his advice blog whowewillbecome.blogspot.com about how sometimes, friends just don't talk for whatever reason. Friendship is also a selfless thing. So maybe you're sick of doing all the work in a friendship. That's a little selfish. I'm going to contradict what I just said, though. It's selfless, being sick of doing all the work. And you know why that is? Because if you're the one doing all the work in the relationship, it's not really a relationship. Furthermore, you're only hurting both parties by doing all the work. The person not doing the work clearly does not value the friendship or the other person, and you are hurting them by not just letting them go off with the people they actually value, if such persons exist. The person doing all the work is not only being hurt by the person not doing work, they are hurting themselves by convincing themselves that it is their fault for letting the friendship lapse or that their friend does not like them, and therefore no one likes them, and therefore they convince themselves that they are, indeed, less worthy of a person.

Yeah. That's my two cents. Now where's the extra penny going?

Rawr.

I'm starting to think my problem is lack of sleep. So maybe if I sleep, things will magically fix themselves and people will actually talk to me again. Slash I'll at least be more content with myself and not truly need people around.


In other news, my Heaven and Hell teacher is too naive to be a good teacher, apparently I've pissed off all of my closest friends (and I do mean all, hence they are not talking to me. I don't know what I did, but I musta done something.)

Boy drama update: who cares? I've already resigned myself to a life of being alone anyway, so why worry about a guy not liking me if I know it's just going to end up that I will have no one anyway? If you think about it, it's a great mindset to have.

I've learned that by not straightening my hair, I look less like the "Berries and Cream" lad and more like an actual, normal female. I mean, I look like a guy anyway, but less so when my hair's curly.

And in other other news... My band director is a moron. He told us that we need to have his class be our priority since we perform the first Saturday of December. My thoughts, however, are that the after-school thing he's making me do (pit for the musical) is more of a priority because performances are sooner AND the music's harder. I mean, what is it with band directors and the mentality that their class rules all? Really?

Yeah. Just my update for the night.

Peace, love, and scratchy purple yarn.

Oh well.

I survived Homecoming. In fact, I even had a chance to get my mind off shit and be normal. Strange, right? Yeah, I know. But here's my positive thing for the night...

MY HOMECOMING DRESS WAS FUCKING PERFECT!!!!! Okay, maybe not the most perfect, but it was nine dollars and it was a size 13! (For reference, I have been a size 16-verging-on-18 since I was in eighth grade.) I haven't been a size 13 since I was in sixth grade. That's six years, folks. Oh, and it's a gorgeous dress. So yeah. I was quite pleased.

I'm not pleased with a lot else, like this shitload of homework I didn't get to do today because my mom insisted that I fold laundry, but whatever. It's not like I'm going to graduate high school or go to college or anything, so whatever.

Oh, and in other news. The people from previous post are not dating, and both seem to be pretty pissed off. I don't know why. I know they were not near each other most of the night, which is strange to me but then again it takes strange to know strange.

I know I'm rambling a lot. I swear to drunk, officer, I'm not God! Slash, I'm serious, I haven't been drinking. I'm just in a mixture of moods. On the one hand, I'm pissed because none of my friends can be bothered to actually contact me and I am sick of being the one doing all of the conversation initiation. I'm upset because that means that I will lose said friends and end up alone. I am frustrated because boys are stupid. I am stressed about college. I am happy for... some strange reason that I have yet to identify, and I don't even think it's happiness. I think it's more like a lack of the desire to drive some kind of metal through my flesh. But even then. That's not close to happiness, is it? I am heartbroken, see last post for details. But, surprisingly, I am also in a neutral mood towards many of the males in my life. I am just so confused!


Oh well. I guess I'm doomed to life alone. Oh well. At least I'll have.... a cat, perhaps, to get me through stuff? Wow. That makes me sound so pathetic. Oh well.

Go Cry, Emo Kid

So, I'd l ike to apologize in advance that I'm being a bit of an emo-kid (as in, 'Go cry, emo kid'). I'm having what most people would call a "down period" where I'm just kinda... blah. So pardon the negativity. Supposedly everything will be okay.





Everyone's been talking about the economic recession we're in right now. I'm in a different kind of recession: a recession of friends. I mean, I realize it's my own fault, that I'm letting my depression get in the way. But recently, all of my friends have just kind of... left me. Take, for example, my "closest" friends, who, as I've noticed before and am noticing now, only initiate contact when they (a) feel sorry for me or (b) need something from me. (For a definition of what I'm talking about, see previous post.) I've found that I've found some new friends, though, that are supportive and, well, yeah, they do the same things my "close" friends do. But they do it in a way that doesn't entirely exclude me from life.


Here's my oh-I'm-just-a-whiny-teenager moment. Fucking deal with it, I guarantee you do the same thing. So there's this guy at school I like, right? And I asked him to Homecoming, and he said no. We're still good friends; it only created mild awkwardness for the next hour after I asked. But... I found out that he's going to the dance with a girl who I'm kind of friends with. I mean, we're not really in the same social circles (she's with the theatre kids, I'm in no group because no group wants me, not even the outcast group.). But she and I are friends.So I asked her yesterday, because we were not really doing anything in our class, whether or not she was going to Homecoming. She said "Yes, with *********." Which, of course, had not been what I'd asked. And that is something I could've gone without knowing. Because he probably likes her, she probably likes him, and they will probably end up dating by the end of the night. Does he know I like him? He probably has a clue, but doesn't actually know. Does she know I like him? Most likely not. And the whole thing makes me feel awful because this girl is smart, and witty, and gorgeous, and outgoing, and she's everything I'm not, everything I wish I could be. Then, about ten minutes later, I went into the cafeteria for lunch. And one of the juniors got up to the podium thing to read the prayer, and then said "Hold on, I have one more announcement. *Sophomore girl* Are you in here? Okay. *Sophomore girl* will you be my girlfriend?" Everyone else was all "Awww" and excited for this new couple and excited for Homecoming and whatnot. Between what had just happened in my class and this, and knowing that there is no one out there for me, I stayed silent. I silently went to my next class, did not talk to my classmates, and sat there crying (but quietly crying, so no one would know.). I blamed the redness in my eyes on fatigue. I went to the pep rally, only cheered when I really really wanted a good friend of mine to win the school spirit award, and wished I had my hunting knives with me. After the pep rally, I got in my car, drove home, and kinda just withdrew from the world.

My senior portrait proofs were in the mail when I came home yesterday. They added to that feeling of I'm-not-good-enough that my friend from the situation above creates in me. I've looked through these pictures several times, and I constantly look too pale, or too fat, or just overall too ugly. My smile is fake, and my eyes are kind of glazed over. I will be the ugliest person in the yearbook. And I will have these horrendous pictures for the rest of my life. To remind me of how fat, pale, and ugly I am.

I am going to the dance tonight. There's no such thing as a dress that looks good on me. As of now, I don't even have a dress. I've promised people I will go, though, so I will be there even if I'm even uglier than usual.


That's all. Sorry this post sucks. No one's reading it anyway, though.

If I Only Had A Life

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to request a moment of silence for my social life. My social life died on Sunday, October 19, 2008, at approximately 7:00 p.m. of natural causes. Funeral services are to be held Saturday, October 25, 2008, starting at around 8:00 p.m. at Bishop McNamara high school.

My social life had a brief but well-lived life that started toward the end of August this year. It had a way of making me feel like I was normal. Survivors include my school life, my personal life, and my private life. Memorial donations may be made to Melanie's Social Fund in the form of making and keeping plans with Me.

In other news, my seasonal job has ended, which has made all of my weekends suddenly become available. Available for what? Mostly just sitting on my ass becoming even fatter. And sitting in front of Facebook, like the loser I am. And sitting around wishing that I was more than just a back-up friend for most people. You know, the person you keep around for when your plans fall through and you need someone to hang out with? Yeah, that's me. Maybe I should start charging people for my backup-friend services. I bet you I would make a fair amount of money off of that. Y'all might not like that, though, because then you'd have to pay to hang out with me.

Okay. Stupid post over. Go... hang out with your friends or something. But if they're not available, don't call me unless you have an extra $5 lying around.

For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die

Yes, I've finally returned to my PostSecret format. Yay. I was talking to Bubbles, and I was jokingly trying to convince her to return to high school. I didn't tell her quite why, but then I started thinking about it. You know, high school is a sucky, sucky place. And thinking about that made me start thinking about other things that have crossed my mind recently.


I hate school. Like, I know everyone does, but for some reason it's just... really, really bad with me. Like, I sit in math class and picture myself jumping out the window. I gaze off into space during my Heaven and Hell class and resist the urge to walk out of the building and into busy traffic. But, you know, that's just me being a moody teenager.

Lately, though, I've been thinking that I want to drop out of high school. I feel that staying in high school poses a risk to my life. I also don't want to go to college, but that is for another paragraph. Let me tell you 'bout high school. I have no friends. I have no boyfriend. I am basically a social cast-out. (Oh, and before you all start screaming, I know I have friends. But I don't have friends that I can talk to, you know? I love my friends to death, but really, I can't really talk to them.)

College is going to be filled with new people. People who will probably find me to be weird. Except, of course, the weird people. I'd like to be normal in college. But that won't happen. I'd like to live through college. That might not happen either. Hell, I might not make it into college. Or if I do, I will be a changed person. Maybe into the person I want to be.

College is going to, hopefully, free me from my house. The bad thing about that, though, is that I will have less of a reason to use my conscience. Most of the time, I don't do something because my mom wouldn't want me to, or one of my friends wouldn't want me to, and they would inevitably find out. But if I go off to college, I will basically be isolated from friends and family and, therefore, would be free to carry on like I've been doing in secret. At the same time, though, being off at college means no one will be pushing me to do some kind of homework-type thing.

I could go on and on about college, but here's the point: The view I'm seeing of college makes it appear scary and isolated.

Peace, love, and cancer sticks.