Monday, December 28, 2009

I feel like I should be doing a tango right now.

Would you ever kiss any one 23 and over?
When I'm older, maybe.

Who/what can you blame for your bad mood today?
The fact that I didn't sleep. Also the fact that I re-read some things.

Have you ever wasted too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Always

How was last night?
*shrug*

If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
That something's really, really wrong. If something's wrong, I'll vent about it and everyone will know I'm upset. If something is very wrong, though, I'm usually silent.

How are you feeling right now?
*shrug*

Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
Yep.

Who's the last person that disappointed you?
*shrug* Most people disappoint me.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yep.

Is there any emotion you are trying to hide?
yes

Do you have trust issues?
not really and thats a problem sometimes

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I wanted to go back to sleep, yo.

Name 3 drinks you drink regularly:
Diet Pepsi, tea, assorted juice-like beverages.

Current hate right now?
A lot of things. The usual. The fact that I'm home. Among the usual.

Do you think you'll be married in 10?
Hours? No. Days? No. Weeks? No. Months? No. Years? I hope, but probably not.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
No.

Who was the last person you were in the car with?
Courtney

Who was your last text message from?
Mom

When was the last time you cried?
Night before we left for break.

Are you happy?
No, actually, I'm fucking pissed.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
Yeah.

When did you last hold hands with someone?
Today with Ginnie for like 2.5 seconds.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Yep.

Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
Honda, possibly buying a Nissan.

What time did you wake up this morning?
9

Has someone smacked your butt in the past week?
No.

What's your favorite curse word?
FUCK. Loud and clear.

Do you get along better with guys or girls?
No one.

Who is the best person to cheer you up?
Kaitlyn and Courtney.

Have you been to New York City?
Yes

Who do you miss?
Kyle.

You're single right?
Yep.

Honestly, what are you thinking about right now?
The fact that he FUCKING CHEATED ON ME.

Do you love the color pink?
No.

Do you prefer guys with dark hair or light hair?
Guys are horrible and should all go rot in hell.

Has anyone ever sung to you?
No.

Is smoking a turn-off?
*shrug*

Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss?
Nah.

What is one food you always crave?
Nothing.

Do you expect to be married in the next two years?
No.

What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?
"WHAT THE FUCK?! VIRGINS DO NOT GET PREGNANT!"

Who do you vent to when something is bothering you?
Kaitlyn/Spencer

Do you have someone who is protective of you?
I guess not.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Nah.

Do you prefer showers or baths?
Sitting down on the shower floor while the shower's running.

Where were you an hour ago?
Out with Ginnie.

Were you with anyone?
Yes.

Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust?
Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who just asks to be hurt.

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
Yes. He's just trying to have his cake and eat it too.

Have you ever been banned from anywhere?
No.

Has your #1 ever seen you naked?
Only one person has ever seen me completely naked. I now need to remove that memory from his brain.

Do you want to get married?
No. That just makes broken trust ten times worse.

Open the nearest book, turn to page 11, and type the first sentence.
I don't know which book is the closest.

Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?
Only when I've done something nice to it.

Are you the kind of person who has crazy mood swings?
Apparently so.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I need to talk myself through some things.

Are you ready to spill your guts?
--No one reads this anyway, so sure.

How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved?
--One, I'm starting to think.

How many piercings do you have?
--4

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A or D?
--No

What did your last text say?
--"Get on AIM when you get back to your room."

From who?
--Carolyn

has anyone ever told you the dont wanna lose you?
--No.

What's wrong with you right now?
--I'm alone.

Do you truly hate anyone?
--Nah.

Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
-- Show me a promise that's ever been made to me and kept, and I'll believe in promises.

What are you listening to?
--Christmas music.

Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
--Tried it. Didn't work out so well because I'm too sensitive for that.

Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
--I can think of one or two people.

Do you open up to people easily?
--Once I've gauged how trustworthy they are.

What do your friends call you?
--Melmel, Mel Bells, Hooker.

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
--Yes. Jerkface best friend.

Last person to comment you?
-Dunno.

When will your next kiss be?
--Never, probably, although one can hope.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
--Yes.

Do you blow dry your hair?
--When I straighten it or I want my curls to look nice.

Have you ever cried over a text?
--Yes. Text message breakup=text message tears.

Will you be in a relationship in the next month?
--Of course not.

Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or ex?
--I owe him prom pictures, but nothing else.

Does it bother you when you text somebody and they take forever to respond?
--Yeah, unless it's something that's really unimportant.

Is the person you last texted single?
--Yep

What should you be doing?
--Packing, I suppose.

Describe how you feel right now in one word?
--Bitter.

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
--It won't be terrible.

What's your current mood?
--I can't describe it adequately. Bitter's the one that always comes to mind, but it's not just that. Like chai tea. It's a whole blend of things you can't just identify individually.

Anything on your mind that you'd like to share?
--I'm finally over Jorden. I'm pissed at Drew. I just want my life to stop sucking.

If you could change the color of the grass, what color would it be?
--I wouldn't change it. It smells like it should be green. It should always be green. I would maybe make it a darker green, though.

When was the last time you felt like punching someone?
--Today.

What color is your keyboard for your computer?
--Black.

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
--No. Unless I was really upset.

Is anyone else in the room with you?
--Nope. Marisa's gone already.

Your best friend randomly starts hating you, and doesn't wanna be friends anymore, what do you do?
--Go back to being alone. It's happened before. I came to school and I had no one. Now I have the best friend I've ever had and I think that I would die if she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Have you kissed a person more then 20 times?
--Yeah.

What are you most looking forward to?
--Going home and being with my mom and my cat.

Are you a heavy sleeper?
--Mostly.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
--Kinda. We went to go see fireworks on the beach when my dad lived in Myrtle Beach.

When is the next time you'll hug someone?
--Tomorrow, prolly.

Who was the last person you spoke on the phone with for over an hour?
--My mom.

Do you think your next kiss will be a mistake?
--I hope not.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
--Only when I'm dead tired and otherwise already warm.

Have you ever dated someone over a year?
--No. Probably never will.

Do you believe in love?
--Yes, although I don't believe love applies to me anymore. It dissolves in the acid that my heart is made of.

Are you an emotional person?
--Usually.

Will tomorrow be better then today?
--Until I see my sister.

Ever kissed a brown eyed and brown haired person?
--I'd argue that his hair was black, but for all I know it's "dark brown." I don't know.

Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff with?
--Courtney/Kaitlyn/Caitlin/Drew once he's stopped being an ass.

Do you wear gold or silver?
--Silver.

Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message?
--My mommy.

How many tattoos would you get?
--One or two.

What's the worst way to die?
--Illness. Because you have to suffer for a while.

Could things possibly get any better?
-- Things could go either way. I wish they'd get better, a lot better, but as long as they don't get worse it'll be okay.

Do you miss anyone?
--Yes. But not the person everyone thinks I miss.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
--I can be.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
--I don't know that I like anyone right now. But if they did, it wouldn't matter.

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
--It's cold, I'm cold, my eyes are dry, Drew's a jackass, I'm alone and therefore I'm thinking too much. (WAAAAY too much).

Does what your listening to remind you of something/someone?
--Christmas. Also, that black ladies do too much with their voices when they sing. Seriously, Aretha Franklin, it's a Christmas hymn. Stop making it fancy.

Where is your phone?
--Over there.

Do you cry easily?
--Not anymore. I'm a fucking stone. Except for three minutes ago.

Do you prefer to call or text?
--Text.

What are you upset about?
--The usual. Also Drew being insensitive.

Last person you told a secret to?
--Sara. And that, of course, was a mistake.

Do you want to have children one day?
--Yes.

Could you cry right now?
--I just did.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
--I am wasting my time on myself.

Have you kissed anyone the past 2 days?
--No.

What was the first thing you did this morning?
--Turned off my iPod.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
--No. They never do. They never will. The one that did, left.

Do you hate when people smoke around you?
--I don't care.

Do you ever bite your lip?
--Yeah.

Do you think two people can last forever?
--Yeah.

Do you like drama?
--Good drama, yes. Bad drama, no. Save that for your llama mama, okay?

Are you happy right now?
--No.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Poem for Someone

One of my favorite activities is writing poems/letters to people who will never read them. This poem isn't meant to be good. It's meant to convey


I’ve missed you a lot recently.
I’ve been thinking of how it was
It was this time three years ago
I was fifteen. You hadn’t been
For about four years.
I was in love. You might have been
But you were older
And I barely knew what love was
And your heart had broken
But I cherished every time we talked
You were my best friend
You were my brother
But I loved you as more
But I would always be young to you
And we were two different people anyway
And my heart broke when you stopped talking
And my heart aches every time I miss you
Sometimes I wish you would come back
Talk to me, instead of making me talk to you
‘Cause I know I’m too scared to
Even though you probably don’t wanna talk to me
Sometimes I wish you would
Sometimes I wish you would miss me
And we’ll talk all night like we used to
And I’ll save you, and you’ll save me
And the next day we’ll drive and talk
And you’ll try to make me feel better
I thrive on those memories.
I thrive on remembering that there was a time
A time when someone cared
A time when someone needed me
A time when you were still here
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
And if you need me to,
I’ll pray like I did that one night
And I’ll go to church the next day and pray for you
And I’ll let you know I thought of you
And you’ll call me amazing
And I’ll fall in love
I’ll believe that you aren’t what they say
You’d never hurt me
You’re who I think you are
And you’ll heal the heart you broke
And you’ll make the ache feel good
And maybe this won’t happen
Except tonight in a dream
When I will tell you I love you
And mean it wholeheartedly
While in the morning I wonder
Do you miss me too?
Do you love me? Did you?
Would you? Could you?
I wish you’d miss me
The way I missed you.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

New Deal

Yeah. Random title.

Anyway.

I know I have no business starting a new blog when I neglect the one I have. But I'm starting a new blog. It'll be cool. Look for it.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bitter Survey II

Why aren't you and the last person you kissed in a relationship?
He didn't want me. He broke his promise.

Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Maybe.

Have you ever lost someone who meant a great deal to you?
Yeah. But I'll get over it.

Are you close to your father?
No.

What were you doing an hour ago?
Sitting here.

Are you happy?
Nope.

When was the last time you talked to the person you last kissed?
A few days ago.

What's 1 thing you do when you're mad?
I get either very loud or very quiet.

What was the last thing to make you smile?
Dunno.

How many people do you actually trust with everything?
1

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
Yes.

Your most hated person is at your doorstep begging for forgiveness, what do you do?
I'll hear them out, but I don't think I'll give them forgiveness.

What were you doing Friday night?
Slumber party at Drew's.

Are you thinking about a certain person right now?
Unfortunately.

What color is your shirt and where is it from?
Black, Sears.

Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
No!

Did you see a boy/girl today that made you smile?
Drew and Kaitlyn always make me smile.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry?
A few times.

What do you currently hear?
Background music to commercials.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Not unless you know already how I feel about you. No. Don't do that to me. It fucks up my brain.

What is bothering you right now?
It's raining.

How's your hair?
It's poofy but it's fine.

Would you rather choose truth or dare while playing "truth or dare"?
Truth.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
Every other girl born in the early 90's was given my middle name.

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
No

Do you have any hidden talent?
Nah

How happy are you with your life?
Eh

Has anything exciting happened in your life lately?
Exciting but not necessarily good.

What do you wish about at 11:11?
Whatever I want most at the moment.

Where did you last throw up? Why did you throw up?
Dunno.

If you were to die today do you think everybody on your friends list would care?
No one would care.

Who's your celebrity crush?
No one.

Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you?
No. I don't trust cheaters.

Who was the last person you saw bfore you went to bed last night?
Kaitlyn.

Are you emotionally strong?
I can pretend to be.

What are you doing?
Sitting here quietly.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No

Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Eh

Who was your last incoming call from?
Courtney

Do you have a best friend?
Kaitlyn and Drew

Are you busy tomorrow?
No.

Bitter surveys.

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY.

To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, start a new note, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy!

Next, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :)


1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? - Ice cream cone

2. Where was your profile picture taken? - New York

3. Can you play Guitar Hero? - Nope

4. Name someone who made you laugh today? - Kaitlyn

5. How late did you stay up last night and why? - 4:30-something. 'Cause it was a sleepover.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? - Maybe if it was somewhere with a real shower...

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? - No

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook? - Marisa lives less than five feet from me.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? - I thought I did.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? - He was a jackass, but the soda named after him is delicious.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? - The other night. Before that, it was July...

12. Who took your profile picture? - Mom

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? - My besties

14. Was yesterday better than today? - Eh

15. Can you live a day without TV? - Yep

16. Are you upset about anything? - Eh...

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? - Yeah

18. Are you a bad influence? - No.

19. Night out or night in? - Night in with peeps.

20. What item(s) could you not go without during the day? - Phone, keys, computer.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My mom

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? - "ok"

23. How do you feel about your life right now? -Eh

24. Do you hate anyone? - Nah

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? - Messages.

26. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? - No.

27. What song is stuck in your head? - Dunno.

Finish this sentence: The last person I kissed is...
about three hours away right now.

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
Yes. He's got a new girl now, why bother calling me?

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Drewble

Did you sleep alone last night?
Nope. Kaitlyn and I had the bed, Drew had the floor.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Yes. Ain't never worked out.

Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
A little.

Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars?
Maybe?

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
None.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Probably never.

Do you like when people play with your hair?
Yes.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
I'd sleep forever if I could.

Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning?
Hair dye does not give you skin cancer.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
As long as they don't do it excessively.

Best summer of your life?
Kinda thought it was this past one. Would probably be wrong about that.

Do you find piercings attractive?
I suppose.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Kaitlyn and/or Drew

What were you doing last night at midnight?
Watching a movie up at Edgewood.

Fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing?
Long story.

What/Who are you obsessed with?
*shrug*

Waiting for something?
Eh

Last December, what was your love life like?
Various states of nonexistance. Like always.

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
"What do you want?"

Was last night terrible?
Eh

When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
I just keep going.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?
Not entirely?

Are you the type of person to make people laugh?
Eh

What's so special about what you're wearing?
It's kinda warm?

If you had to choose one: strawberries or grapes?
Strawberries

Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
Accept

First and middle name please?
Melanie Elizabeth

Do you have a favorite number?
9 and 13

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Eh

Who is your last received call from?
Courtney

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
Not anymore he doesn't.

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Prolly not.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
She wouldn't be pleased I don't think.

Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
Sure

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?
I kinda think so.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None... pretty sure that was before midnight.

Will you be single over this winter?
I'm pretty sure.

How often do you say you're sorry?
Always

Did you date anyone over the summer?
Part of the summer.

Do you miss your past?
Parts of it.

Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?
No.

Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone?
It depends on what friends I'm with.

Who are you missing?
No one?

Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
Eh. I know how to take a joke. But make a joke about the same subject twice in a row in the same manner and yes, I will have a problem.

Lets say you get pregnant by the last person you kissed. What do you do?
Start planning his funeral, because I would not have consented and Drew and Bunny are gonna kill him.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
Yes

Do you have feelings for someone?
Unfortunately, in a sense.

How many piercings do you have?
4

Tattoos?
None yet

Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Antigua

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Nope

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A hug.

What was for dinner tonight?
Barbecue sandwich, beans, cornbread, and cole slaw.

Last kiss mean anything?
Yes. It meant goodbye.

Who was the last male you talked to in person?
Drewbie

Does anyone love you?
No.

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Nah

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Always

Does anyone hate you?
Prolly

What were you doing before you got on the computer?
Talking to Drew and Kaitlyn.

Could you handle living together with the last person you texted?
Yes. We'll probably room together next year.

Who are you more like, your mom or your dad?
Mom, I hope

Do you avoid physically unattractive people, even before knowing them?
Nah, but I can usually gauge whether or not I'm gonna get along with someone just by looking at them.

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?
I love you a lot.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans

Could you date someone taller than you?
Yes.

Monday, September 14, 2009

It's late.

So, I can't sleep, so instead I'm blogging. Weird, right? Anyway. The following was originally written to be a response to a post Mrs. Tolstoy (http://unwaveringthunder.blogspot.com/) wrote a while back about writing. In particular, I was stricken by how Mrs. Tolstoy criticized the Twilight series.

I agree that Stephenie Meyer isn't the *best* writer ever. In fact, it's hard for me to not take a red pen to her books. And certainly, whoever edits her stuff should be shot (seriously, she meant "past" but wrote "passed".). But I've come to find that the Twilight books aren't about the writing. It's about the story itself. Maybe I'm not a writer because I've only ever felt remotely connected to maybe two things I've ever written. But, and maybe it's just for me, but the story that is present, the modern-day fairytaleness of the whole thing, is beautiful and achingly romantic and drives me to tears.


What does that have to do with this evening's post? Well, see, nothing. Except that I've had this GREAT idea for a story cooking in my head. And tonight I was reading a book (What I Saw and How I Lied) that made me question my idea for my story. Which is better: historic fiction that requires much outside research, or modern fiction that is the crutch for most modern writers? Either way, I'd be losing. It would never get published, surely, but I'm not aiming for that. I'm aiming for something that people will read and connect with, even if they don't think they will. I'll write a full post on Twilight or writing or whatever if anyone wants. But that's not the point. The point is that... well, I lost my train of thought and don't know what the point was. I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Stupid writerness keeping me up when I have a 9 a.m. class tomorrow. Whatever.

Peace, love, and ginger cat cookies.