It's the Old Format!!!

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Like, even before the dreaded event almost a week ago.

There are a few things I want in life. I want a career I love. I want a son named Adam Michael. I want a daughter with an unusual but practical name, like Evelyn or Lucille. I want to live in a nice house in a suburb, with a lawn and maybe a neighborhood park. And I want to get married.

They're all nice ambitions, right? One problem though: there's kind of an order that needs to be followed. And if one doesn't happen, the ones that follow it won't happen. My ideal order is:

• Career
• Married
• Suburb
• Son
• Daughter

Why that specific order, you ask? Well, here's my general theory. Career comes first before everything so I can establish myself in the world and have some money saved away. Money is nice. A career will also help me meet people, and through that, perhaps I'll find someone I'll fall in love with and get married. When I live alone or with just my husband, I won't need a lot of space. eventually, though, I'd like to have a nice suburb to bring my children into. And I want a son before a daughter so my little girl will have a big brother to look out for her and protect her.

So what does all this have to do with the PostSecret above?

I'm afraid I'll never get married. I'm behind in the dating world. While the rest of my friends have been dating and having sex since age 12, I wasn't considered dateable until I was almost eighteen years old. And I'm saving myself for marriage. That seems to annoy people.

I can imagine various details about my wedding: my dress (big and poofy), my bridesmaid's dresses (green), and sometimes even the venue (specifically, one of the local Catholic churches that, once I start going to church again, is my pick of what parish I would belong to).

What can't I imagine? The man I'll be marrying. I mean, I know that I can't imagine that because I probably haven't met him yet, but it annoys me that I've never actually had someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. I can't even imagine what qualities that person might have. And I'm afraid that since I don't even know what I want, I'll never have that. But I think I have another problem. See, I'm a diehard romantic. But I'm also very, very in touch with reality. I've seen that marriages don't always work out. I've seen how modern society works. The romantic side of me is relatively old-fashioned. A lot of guys think that's a turn off. I guess the one quality I know I'll find in the man I end up marrying is that he'll love my old-fashioned perspective... even if his isn't.

And if I don't get married? I dunno. Maybe I'll be a workaholic until my brain crumbles into crazy-cat-lady mode.

That's my ramble for tonight.


Peace, love, and stuffed mushrooms.