1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Had a boyfriend. Went to college.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what I made. I doubt I'll stick to the ones I'm making for this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
Yep.
4. Did anyone close to you get married?
Not close-close, but closeish.
5. Did anyone close to you die?
Not very close.
6. Travel?
Atlanta. Delaware.
7. Did you move anywhere?
I moved to college.
8. What was the best month?
May, I think.
9. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A relationship where I know I can trust someone completely.
10. What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 5th, 'cause that was the start of my first relationship ever.
11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating. Also getting a 3.5
12. What was your biggest failure?
Being a good girlfriend, apparently.
13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Heartbreak is the most severe injury. In addition to many smaller injuries.
14. What was the best thing you bought?
My new lappytop.
15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends.
16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Jorden.
17. Where did most of your money go?
Food.
18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
College.
19. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Baby Got Back. 'Cuz it reminds me of Jorden.
20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?
i. Happier, but I'm stuck in the same semi-debilitating depression I've been in.
ii. Poorer. 'Cause I had paychecks from work left back then.
21. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. I always wish that.
22. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasting my time with that loser.
23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?
With Kaitlyn and peeps.
24. What was an unexpected surprise?
Making a best friend.
25. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Unfortunately, yes.
26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?
Wind Ensemble of BMHS. Def.
27. What was your favorite TV program?
Degrassi. It's gotten me through a lot of stressful times.
28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
Yeah.
29. What was the best book you read?
New Moon.
30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That cover of "Jumper" that I stole from Kaitlyn.
31. What did you want and get?
Boyfriend. Ugh.
32. What did you want and not get?
Car.
33. What was your favorite film of this year?
Dunno.
34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 18 and I went to school.
35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I felt like I actually accomplished something.
36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Sweatpants.
37. What kept you sane?
Music, although at times that wasn't enough.
38. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage. Woohoo!
39. Who did you miss?
Kyle Tavel. I really miss how close we were.
40. Random Memories from 2009?
Roadtrip to Sonic!
What's your favorite color gummy bear?
The clearish one.
What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
Smile/eyes
Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about?
No. Wrote a poem.
Ever had a song sang about/for you?
No
Is there a baby in the room with you right now?
Nah.
Do you know how to dance?
Hah. No. Except the white-girl 2-step.
Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other?
Car.
What is your favorite thing that is green?
Everything!
What did your last text message say?
"Way"
Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?
Boxers?
What is your middle name?
Elizabeth
What is the way to your heart?
Prove to me that I can trust you. Also, be a really good kisser.
What do you smell like?
Pears.
What's in your pocket?
Air.
Anything in your mouth?
Teeth. Tongue. etc.
Ever hurt yourself playing Wii?
Nah.
Do you have freckles?
Yep
How many languages can you say "Hello" in?
A few.
What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
The Box.
Ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on?
No
Are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday?
Nope.
Name a song that you know all the words to:
Jumper- 3EB
Are you in love with someone right now?
No.
What's the last thing you watched on TV?
SkinID commercial.
What's the last video game you played?
Nancy Drew for DS
Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
Except P and Q
Do you have an uncle named Joe?
No.
Do you wear glasses?
Yes.
What can you hear right now?
Swine flu commercial
Did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday?
Better.
Ever been overseas?
Not exactly... Caribbean.
What are your plans for today?
Sleep.
How long have you had MySpace?
9th grade.
What was your favorite childhood show?
Voltron.
Are you close to your siblings?
No
What was your first job?
Outback.
Do you bite your nails?
Yes.
Do you like your feet?
No. Ugh.
Do you sleep well at night?
No.
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
No.
Does a kiss make you feel better?
It could. And right now it would.
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No.
Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before I get in.
What did you do today?
Nothing.
Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Yes.
Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
No.
Have you ever thought about your death?
Yes.
Ever been in love?
Ugh.
Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Permanent. Just give me the right guy.
What is your favorite sport?
Bowling.
What color is your shower curtain?
Here, we don't have a shower curtain, but I school I think they're gray.
Have you ever had stitches?
No.
Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
No.
Do you know how to use chop sticks?
No.
Lyrics stuck in your head?
Nothing.
Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
Neither?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Knitting and possibly goin' to my BFF Kaitlyn's.
Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
*shrug*
Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
Yep.
Have you ever run over an animal?
No
What is your favorite cereal?
Special K original
Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
No
What are you doing right at this moment?
Half asleep
Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Sure
Where's your favorite place to be?
School or driving
What's your favorite song?
When the Day Met the Night by Panic
Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
I don't drink much of either.
Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No?
Have you ever been skinny dipping?
No.
Have you ever been arrested?
No.
Do you dream in black and white?
No.
Do you talk in your sleep?
No.
Do you snore?
No.
Are you a redneck?
No.
Funniest thing you heard all day?
*shrug*
Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
No.
What are you afraid of?
Ugh.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
I feel like I should be doing a tango right now.
Would you ever kiss any one 23 and over?
When I'm older, maybe.
Who/what can you blame for your bad mood today?
The fact that I didn't sleep. Also the fact that I re-read some things.
Have you ever wasted too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Always
How was last night?
*shrug*
If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
That something's really, really wrong. If something's wrong, I'll vent about it and everyone will know I'm upset. If something is very wrong, though, I'm usually silent.
How are you feeling right now?
*shrug*
Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
Yep.
Who's the last person that disappointed you?
*shrug* Most people disappoint me.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yep.
Is there any emotion you are trying to hide?
yes
Do you have trust issues?
not really and thats a problem sometimes
Were you happy when you woke up today?
I wanted to go back to sleep, yo.
Name 3 drinks you drink regularly:
Diet Pepsi, tea, assorted juice-like beverages.
Current hate right now?
A lot of things. The usual. The fact that I'm home. Among the usual.
Do you think you'll be married in 10?
Hours? No. Days? No. Weeks? No. Months? No. Years? I hope, but probably not.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
No.
Who was the last person you were in the car with?
Courtney
Who was your last text message from?
Mom
When was the last time you cried?
Night before we left for break.
Are you happy?
No, actually, I'm fucking pissed.
Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
Yeah.
When did you last hold hands with someone?
Today with Ginnie for like 2.5 seconds.
Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Yep.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
Honda, possibly buying a Nissan.
What time did you wake up this morning?
9
Has someone smacked your butt in the past week?
No.
What's your favorite curse word?
FUCK. Loud and clear.
Do you get along better with guys or girls?
No one.
Who is the best person to cheer you up?
Kaitlyn and Courtney.
Have you been to New York City?
Yes
Who do you miss?
Kyle.
You're single right?
Yep.
Honestly, what are you thinking about right now?
The fact that he FUCKING CHEATED ON ME.
Do you love the color pink?
No.
Do you prefer guys with dark hair or light hair?
Guys are horrible and should all go rot in hell.
Has anyone ever sung to you?
No.
Is smoking a turn-off?
*shrug*
Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss?
Nah.
What is one food you always crave?
Nothing.
Do you expect to be married in the next two years?
No.
What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?
"WHAT THE FUCK?! VIRGINS DO NOT GET PREGNANT!"
Who do you vent to when something is bothering you?
Kaitlyn/Spencer
Do you have someone who is protective of you?
I guess not.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Nah.
Do you prefer showers or baths?
Sitting down on the shower floor while the shower's running.
Where were you an hour ago?
Out with Ginnie.
Were you with anyone?
Yes.
Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust?
Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who just asks to be hurt.
Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
Yes. He's just trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Have you ever been banned from anywhere?
No.
Has your #1 ever seen you naked?
Only one person has ever seen me completely naked. I now need to remove that memory from his brain.
Do you want to get married?
No. That just makes broken trust ten times worse.
Open the nearest book, turn to page 11, and type the first sentence.
I don't know which book is the closest.
Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?
Only when I've done something nice to it.
Are you the kind of person who has crazy mood swings?
Apparently so.
When I'm older, maybe.
Who/what can you blame for your bad mood today?
The fact that I didn't sleep. Also the fact that I re-read some things.
Have you ever wasted too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Always
How was last night?
*shrug*
If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
That something's really, really wrong. If something's wrong, I'll vent about it and everyone will know I'm upset. If something is very wrong, though, I'm usually silent.
How are you feeling right now?
*shrug*
Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
Yep.
Who's the last person that disappointed you?
*shrug* Most people disappoint me.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yep.
Is there any emotion you are trying to hide?
yes
Do you have trust issues?
not really and thats a problem sometimes
Were you happy when you woke up today?
I wanted to go back to sleep, yo.
Name 3 drinks you drink regularly:
Diet Pepsi, tea, assorted juice-like beverages.
Current hate right now?
A lot of things. The usual. The fact that I'm home. Among the usual.
Do you think you'll be married in 10?
Hours? No. Days? No. Weeks? No. Months? No. Years? I hope, but probably not.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
No.
Who was the last person you were in the car with?
Courtney
Who was your last text message from?
Mom
When was the last time you cried?
Night before we left for break.
Are you happy?
No, actually, I'm fucking pissed.
Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
Yeah.
When did you last hold hands with someone?
Today with Ginnie for like 2.5 seconds.
Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Yep.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
Honda, possibly buying a Nissan.
What time did you wake up this morning?
9
Has someone smacked your butt in the past week?
No.
What's your favorite curse word?
FUCK. Loud and clear.
Do you get along better with guys or girls?
No one.
Who is the best person to cheer you up?
Kaitlyn and Courtney.
Have you been to New York City?
Yes
Who do you miss?
Kyle.
You're single right?
Yep.
Honestly, what are you thinking about right now?
The fact that he FUCKING CHEATED ON ME.
Do you love the color pink?
No.
Do you prefer guys with dark hair or light hair?
Guys are horrible and should all go rot in hell.
Has anyone ever sung to you?
No.
Is smoking a turn-off?
*shrug*
Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss?
Nah.
What is one food you always crave?
Nothing.
Do you expect to be married in the next two years?
No.
What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?
"WHAT THE FUCK?! VIRGINS DO NOT GET PREGNANT!"
Who do you vent to when something is bothering you?
Kaitlyn/Spencer
Do you have someone who is protective of you?
I guess not.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Nah.
Do you prefer showers or baths?
Sitting down on the shower floor while the shower's running.
Where were you an hour ago?
Out with Ginnie.
Were you with anyone?
Yes.
Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust?
Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who just asks to be hurt.
Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
Yes. He's just trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Have you ever been banned from anywhere?
No.
Has your #1 ever seen you naked?
Only one person has ever seen me completely naked. I now need to remove that memory from his brain.
Do you want to get married?
No. That just makes broken trust ten times worse.
Open the nearest book, turn to page 11, and type the first sentence.
I don't know which book is the closest.
Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?
Only when I've done something nice to it.
Are you the kind of person who has crazy mood swings?
Apparently so.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I need to talk myself through some things.
Are you ready to spill your guts?
--No one reads this anyway, so sure.
How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved?
--One, I'm starting to think.
How many piercings do you have?
--4
Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A or D?
--No
What did your last text say?
--"Get on AIM when you get back to your room."
From who?
--Carolyn
has anyone ever told you the dont wanna lose you?
--No.
What's wrong with you right now?
--I'm alone.
Do you truly hate anyone?
--Nah.
Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
-- Show me a promise that's ever been made to me and kept, and I'll believe in promises.
What are you listening to?
--Christmas music.
Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
--Tried it. Didn't work out so well because I'm too sensitive for that.
Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
--I can think of one or two people.
Do you open up to people easily?
--Once I've gauged how trustworthy they are.
What do your friends call you?
--Melmel, Mel Bells, Hooker.
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
--Yes. Jerkface best friend.
Last person to comment you?
-Dunno.
When will your next kiss be?
--Never, probably, although one can hope.
Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
--Yes.
Do you blow dry your hair?
--When I straighten it or I want my curls to look nice.
Have you ever cried over a text?
--Yes. Text message breakup=text message tears.
Will you be in a relationship in the next month?
--Of course not.
Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or ex?
--I owe him prom pictures, but nothing else.
Does it bother you when you text somebody and they take forever to respond?
--Yeah, unless it's something that's really unimportant.
Is the person you last texted single?
--Yep
What should you be doing?
--Packing, I suppose.
Describe how you feel right now in one word?
--Bitter.
Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
--It won't be terrible.
What's your current mood?
--I can't describe it adequately. Bitter's the one that always comes to mind, but it's not just that. Like chai tea. It's a whole blend of things you can't just identify individually.
Anything on your mind that you'd like to share?
--I'm finally over Jorden. I'm pissed at Drew. I just want my life to stop sucking.
If you could change the color of the grass, what color would it be?
--I wouldn't change it. It smells like it should be green. It should always be green. I would maybe make it a darker green, though.
When was the last time you felt like punching someone?
--Today.
What color is your keyboard for your computer?
--Black.
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
--No. Unless I was really upset.
Is anyone else in the room with you?
--Nope. Marisa's gone already.
Your best friend randomly starts hating you, and doesn't wanna be friends anymore, what do you do?
--Go back to being alone. It's happened before. I came to school and I had no one. Now I have the best friend I've ever had and I think that I would die if she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
Have you kissed a person more then 20 times?
--Yeah.
What are you most looking forward to?
--Going home and being with my mom and my cat.
Are you a heavy sleeper?
--Mostly.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
--Kinda. We went to go see fireworks on the beach when my dad lived in Myrtle Beach.
When is the next time you'll hug someone?
--Tomorrow, prolly.
Who was the last person you spoke on the phone with for over an hour?
--My mom.
Do you think your next kiss will be a mistake?
--I hope not.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
--Only when I'm dead tired and otherwise already warm.
Have you ever dated someone over a year?
--No. Probably never will.
Do you believe in love?
--Yes, although I don't believe love applies to me anymore. It dissolves in the acid that my heart is made of.
Are you an emotional person?
--Usually.
Will tomorrow be better then today?
--Until I see my sister.
Ever kissed a brown eyed and brown haired person?
--I'd argue that his hair was black, but for all I know it's "dark brown." I don't know.
Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff with?
--Courtney/Kaitlyn/Caitlin/Drew once he's stopped being an ass.
Do you wear gold or silver?
--Silver.
Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message?
--My mommy.
How many tattoos would you get?
--One or two.
What's the worst way to die?
--Illness. Because you have to suffer for a while.
Could things possibly get any better?
-- Things could go either way. I wish they'd get better, a lot better, but as long as they don't get worse it'll be okay.
Do you miss anyone?
--Yes. But not the person everyone thinks I miss.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
--I can be.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
--I don't know that I like anyone right now. But if they did, it wouldn't matter.
Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
--It's cold, I'm cold, my eyes are dry, Drew's a jackass, I'm alone and therefore I'm thinking too much. (WAAAAY too much).
Does what your listening to remind you of something/someone?
--Christmas. Also, that black ladies do too much with their voices when they sing. Seriously, Aretha Franklin, it's a Christmas hymn. Stop making it fancy.
Where is your phone?
--Over there.
Do you cry easily?
--Not anymore. I'm a fucking stone. Except for three minutes ago.
Do you prefer to call or text?
--Text.
What are you upset about?
--The usual. Also Drew being insensitive.
Last person you told a secret to?
--Sara. And that, of course, was a mistake.
Do you want to have children one day?
--Yes.
Could you cry right now?
--I just did.
Are you wasting your time on someone?
--I am wasting my time on myself.
Have you kissed anyone the past 2 days?
--No.
What was the first thing you did this morning?
--Turned off my iPod.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
--No. They never do. They never will. The one that did, left.
Do you hate when people smoke around you?
--I don't care.
Do you ever bite your lip?
--Yeah.
Do you think two people can last forever?
--Yeah.
Do you like drama?
--Good drama, yes. Bad drama, no. Save that for your llama mama, okay?
Are you happy right now?
--No.
--No one reads this anyway, so sure.
How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved?
--One, I'm starting to think.
How many piercings do you have?
--4
Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A or D?
--No
What did your last text say?
--"Get on AIM when you get back to your room."
From who?
--Carolyn
has anyone ever told you the dont wanna lose you?
--No.
What's wrong with you right now?
--I'm alone.
Do you truly hate anyone?
--Nah.
Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
-- Show me a promise that's ever been made to me and kept, and I'll believe in promises.
What are you listening to?
--Christmas music.
Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
--Tried it. Didn't work out so well because I'm too sensitive for that.
Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
--I can think of one or two people.
Do you open up to people easily?
--Once I've gauged how trustworthy they are.
What do your friends call you?
--Melmel, Mel Bells, Hooker.
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
--Yes. Jerkface best friend.
Last person to comment you?
-Dunno.
When will your next kiss be?
--Never, probably, although one can hope.
Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
--Yes.
Do you blow dry your hair?
--When I straighten it or I want my curls to look nice.
Have you ever cried over a text?
--Yes. Text message breakup=text message tears.
Will you be in a relationship in the next month?
--Of course not.
Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or ex?
--I owe him prom pictures, but nothing else.
Does it bother you when you text somebody and they take forever to respond?
--Yeah, unless it's something that's really unimportant.
Is the person you last texted single?
--Yep
What should you be doing?
--Packing, I suppose.
Describe how you feel right now in one word?
--Bitter.
Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
--It won't be terrible.
What's your current mood?
--I can't describe it adequately. Bitter's the one that always comes to mind, but it's not just that. Like chai tea. It's a whole blend of things you can't just identify individually.
Anything on your mind that you'd like to share?
--I'm finally over Jorden. I'm pissed at Drew. I just want my life to stop sucking.
If you could change the color of the grass, what color would it be?
--I wouldn't change it. It smells like it should be green. It should always be green. I would maybe make it a darker green, though.
When was the last time you felt like punching someone?
--Today.
What color is your keyboard for your computer?
--Black.
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
--No. Unless I was really upset.
Is anyone else in the room with you?
--Nope. Marisa's gone already.
Your best friend randomly starts hating you, and doesn't wanna be friends anymore, what do you do?
--Go back to being alone. It's happened before. I came to school and I had no one. Now I have the best friend I've ever had and I think that I would die if she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
Have you kissed a person more then 20 times?
--Yeah.
What are you most looking forward to?
--Going home and being with my mom and my cat.
Are you a heavy sleeper?
--Mostly.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
--Kinda. We went to go see fireworks on the beach when my dad lived in Myrtle Beach.
When is the next time you'll hug someone?
--Tomorrow, prolly.
Who was the last person you spoke on the phone with for over an hour?
--My mom.
Do you think your next kiss will be a mistake?
--I hope not.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
--Only when I'm dead tired and otherwise already warm.
Have you ever dated someone over a year?
--No. Probably never will.
Do you believe in love?
--Yes, although I don't believe love applies to me anymore. It dissolves in the acid that my heart is made of.
Are you an emotional person?
--Usually.
Will tomorrow be better then today?
--Until I see my sister.
Ever kissed a brown eyed and brown haired person?
--I'd argue that his hair was black, but for all I know it's "dark brown." I don't know.
Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff with?
--Courtney/Kaitlyn/Caitlin/Drew once he's stopped being an ass.
Do you wear gold or silver?
--Silver.
Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message?
--My mommy.
How many tattoos would you get?
--One or two.
What's the worst way to die?
--Illness. Because you have to suffer for a while.
Could things possibly get any better?
-- Things could go either way. I wish they'd get better, a lot better, but as long as they don't get worse it'll be okay.
Do you miss anyone?
--Yes. But not the person everyone thinks I miss.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
--I can be.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
--I don't know that I like anyone right now. But if they did, it wouldn't matter.
Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
--It's cold, I'm cold, my eyes are dry, Drew's a jackass, I'm alone and therefore I'm thinking too much. (WAAAAY too much).
Does what your listening to remind you of something/someone?
--Christmas. Also, that black ladies do too much with their voices when they sing. Seriously, Aretha Franklin, it's a Christmas hymn. Stop making it fancy.
Where is your phone?
--Over there.
Do you cry easily?
--Not anymore. I'm a fucking stone. Except for three minutes ago.
Do you prefer to call or text?
--Text.
What are you upset about?
--The usual. Also Drew being insensitive.
Last person you told a secret to?
--Sara. And that, of course, was a mistake.
Do you want to have children one day?
--Yes.
Could you cry right now?
--I just did.
Are you wasting your time on someone?
--I am wasting my time on myself.
Have you kissed anyone the past 2 days?
--No.
What was the first thing you did this morning?
--Turned off my iPod.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
--No. They never do. They never will. The one that did, left.
Do you hate when people smoke around you?
--I don't care.
Do you ever bite your lip?
--Yeah.
Do you think two people can last forever?
--Yeah.
Do you like drama?
--Good drama, yes. Bad drama, no. Save that for your llama mama, okay?
Are you happy right now?
--No.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Poem for Someone
One of my favorite activities is writing poems/letters to people who will never read them. This poem isn't meant to be good. It's meant to convey
I’ve missed you a lot recently.
I’ve been thinking of how it was
It was this time three years ago
I was fifteen. You hadn’t been
For about four years.
I was in love. You might have been
But you were older
And I barely knew what love was
And your heart had broken
But I cherished every time we talked
You were my best friend
You were my brother
But I loved you as more
But I would always be young to you
And we were two different people anyway
And my heart broke when you stopped talking
And my heart aches every time I miss you
Sometimes I wish you would come back
Talk to me, instead of making me talk to you
‘Cause I know I’m too scared to
Even though you probably don’t wanna talk to me
Sometimes I wish you would
Sometimes I wish you would miss me
And we’ll talk all night like we used to
And I’ll save you, and you’ll save me
And the next day we’ll drive and talk
And you’ll try to make me feel better
I thrive on those memories.
I thrive on remembering that there was a time
A time when someone cared
A time when someone needed me
A time when you were still here
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
And if you need me to,
I’ll pray like I did that one night
And I’ll go to church the next day and pray for you
And I’ll let you know I thought of you
And you’ll call me amazing
And I’ll fall in love
I’ll believe that you aren’t what they say
You’d never hurt me
You’re who I think you are
And you’ll heal the heart you broke
And you’ll make the ache feel good
And maybe this won’t happen
Except tonight in a dream
When I will tell you I love you
And mean it wholeheartedly
While in the morning I wonder
Do you miss me too?
Do you love me? Did you?
Would you? Could you?
I wish you’d miss me
The way I missed you.
I’ve missed you a lot recently.
I’ve been thinking of how it was
It was this time three years ago
I was fifteen. You hadn’t been
For about four years.
I was in love. You might have been
But you were older
And I barely knew what love was
And your heart had broken
But I cherished every time we talked
You were my best friend
You were my brother
But I loved you as more
But I would always be young to you
And we were two different people anyway
And my heart broke when you stopped talking
And my heart aches every time I miss you
Sometimes I wish you would come back
Talk to me, instead of making me talk to you
‘Cause I know I’m too scared to
Even though you probably don’t wanna talk to me
Sometimes I wish you would
Sometimes I wish you would miss me
And we’ll talk all night like we used to
And I’ll save you, and you’ll save me
And the next day we’ll drive and talk
And you’ll try to make me feel better
I thrive on those memories.
I thrive on remembering that there was a time
A time when someone cared
A time when someone needed me
A time when you were still here
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
And if you need me to,
I’ll pray like I did that one night
And I’ll go to church the next day and pray for you
And I’ll let you know I thought of you
And you’ll call me amazing
And I’ll fall in love
I’ll believe that you aren’t what they say
You’d never hurt me
You’re who I think you are
And you’ll heal the heart you broke
And you’ll make the ache feel good
And maybe this won’t happen
Except tonight in a dream
When I will tell you I love you
And mean it wholeheartedly
While in the morning I wonder
Do you miss me too?
Do you love me? Did you?
Would you? Could you?
I wish you’d miss me
The way I missed you.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
New Deal
Yeah. Random title.
Anyway.
I know I have no business starting a new blog when I neglect the one I have. But I'm starting a new blog. It'll be cool. Look for it.
Anyway.
I know I have no business starting a new blog when I neglect the one I have. But I'm starting a new blog. It'll be cool. Look for it.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Bitter Survey II
Why aren't you and the last person you kissed in a relationship?
He didn't want me. He broke his promise.
Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Maybe.
Have you ever lost someone who meant a great deal to you?
Yeah. But I'll get over it.
Are you close to your father?
No.
What were you doing an hour ago?
Sitting here.
Are you happy?
He didn't want me. He broke his promise.
Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Maybe.
Have you ever lost someone who meant a great deal to you?
Yeah. But I'll get over it.
Are you close to your father?
No.
What were you doing an hour ago?
Sitting here.
Are you happy?
Nope.
When was the last time you talked to the person you last kissed?
A few days ago.
What's 1 thing you do when you're mad?
I get either very loud or very quiet.
What was the last thing to make you smile?
Dunno.
How many people do you actually trust with everything?
1
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
Yes.
Your most hated person is at your doorstep begging for forgiveness, what do you do?
I'll hear them out, but I don't think I'll give them forgiveness.
What were you doing Friday night?
Slumber party at Drew's.
Are you thinking about a certain person right now?
Unfortunately.
What color is your shirt and where is it from?
Black, Sears.
Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
No!
Did you see a boy/girl today that made you smile?
Drew and Kaitlyn always make me smile.
Have you ever received a text message that made you cry?
A few times.
What do you currently hear?
Background music to commercials.
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Not unless you know already how I feel about you. No. Don't do that to me. It fucks up my brain.
What is bothering you right now?
It's raining.
How's your hair?
It's poofy but it's fine.
Would you rather choose truth or dare while playing "truth or dare"?
Truth.
Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
Every other girl born in the early 90's was given my middle name.
Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
No
Do you have any hidden talent?
Nah
How happy are you with your life?
Eh
Has anything exciting happened in your life lately?
Exciting but not necessarily good.
What do you wish about at 11:11?
Whatever I want most at the moment.
Where did you last throw up? Why did you throw up?
Dunno.
If you were to die today do you think everybody on your friends list would care?
No one would care.
Who's your celebrity crush?
No one.
Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you?
No. I don't trust cheaters.
Who was the last person you saw bfore you went to bed last night?
Kaitlyn.
Are you emotionally strong?
I can pretend to be.
What are you doing?
Sitting here quietly.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No
Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Eh
Who was your last incoming call from?
Courtney
Do you have a best friend?
Kaitlyn and Drew
Are you busy tomorrow?
No.
When was the last time you talked to the person you last kissed?
A few days ago.
What's 1 thing you do when you're mad?
I get either very loud or very quiet.
What was the last thing to make you smile?
Dunno.
How many people do you actually trust with everything?
1
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
Yes.
Your most hated person is at your doorstep begging for forgiveness, what do you do?
I'll hear them out, but I don't think I'll give them forgiveness.
What were you doing Friday night?
Slumber party at Drew's.
Are you thinking about a certain person right now?
Unfortunately.
What color is your shirt and where is it from?
Black, Sears.
Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
No!
Did you see a boy/girl today that made you smile?
Drew and Kaitlyn always make me smile.
Have you ever received a text message that made you cry?
A few times.
What do you currently hear?
Background music to commercials.
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Not unless you know already how I feel about you. No. Don't do that to me. It fucks up my brain.
What is bothering you right now?
It's raining.
How's your hair?
It's poofy but it's fine.
Would you rather choose truth or dare while playing "truth or dare"?
Truth.
Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
Every other girl born in the early 90's was given my middle name.
Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
No
Do you have any hidden talent?
Nah
How happy are you with your life?
Eh
Has anything exciting happened in your life lately?
Exciting but not necessarily good.
What do you wish about at 11:11?
Whatever I want most at the moment.
Where did you last throw up? Why did you throw up?
Dunno.
If you were to die today do you think everybody on your friends list would care?
No one would care.
Who's your celebrity crush?
No one.
Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you?
No. I don't trust cheaters.
Who was the last person you saw bfore you went to bed last night?
Kaitlyn.
Are you emotionally strong?
I can pretend to be.
What are you doing?
Sitting here quietly.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No
Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Eh
Who was your last incoming call from?
Courtney
Do you have a best friend?
Kaitlyn and Drew
Are you busy tomorrow?
No.
Bitter surveys.
Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY.
To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, start a new note, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy!
Next, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :)
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? - Ice cream cone
2. Where was your profile picture taken? - New York
3. Can you play Guitar Hero? - Nope
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? - Kaitlyn
5. How late did you stay up last night and why? - 4:30-something. 'Cause it was a sleepover.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? - Maybe if it was somewhere with a real shower...
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? - No
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook? - Marisa lives less than five feet from me.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? - I thought I did.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? - He was a jackass, but the soda named after him is delicious.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? - The other night. Before that, it was July...
12. Who took your profile picture? - Mom
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? - My besties
14. Was yesterday better than today? - Eh
15. Can you live a day without TV? - Yep
16. Are you upset about anything? - Eh...
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? - Yeah
18. Are you a bad influence? - No.
19. Night out or night in? - Night in with peeps.
20. What item(s) could you not go without during the day? - Phone, keys, computer.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My mom
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? - "ok"
23. How do you feel about your life right now? -Eh
24. Do you hate anyone? - Nah
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? - Messages.
26. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? - No.
27. What song is stuck in your head? - Dunno.
To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, start a new note, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy!
Next, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :)
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? - Ice cream cone
2. Where was your profile picture taken? - New York
3. Can you play Guitar Hero? - Nope
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? - Kaitlyn
5. How late did you stay up last night and why? - 4:30-something. 'Cause it was a sleepover.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? - Maybe if it was somewhere with a real shower...
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? - No
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook? - Marisa lives less than five feet from me.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? - I thought I did.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? - He was a jackass, but the soda named after him is delicious.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? - The other night. Before that, it was July...
12. Who took your profile picture? - Mom
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? - My besties
14. Was yesterday better than today? - Eh
15. Can you live a day without TV? - Yep
16. Are you upset about anything? - Eh...
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? - Yeah
18. Are you a bad influence? - No.
19. Night out or night in? - Night in with peeps.
20. What item(s) could you not go without during the day? - Phone, keys, computer.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My mom
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? - "ok"
23. How do you feel about your life right now? -Eh
24. Do you hate anyone? - Nah
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? - Messages.
26. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? - No.
27. What song is stuck in your head? - Dunno.
Finish this sentence: The last person I kissed is...
about three hours away right now.
Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
Yes. He's got a new girl now, why bother calling me?
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Drewble
Did you sleep alone last night?
Nope. Kaitlyn and I had the bed, Drew had the floor.
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Yes. Ain't never worked out.
Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
A little.
Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars?
Maybe?
The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
None.
Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Probably never.
Do you like when people play with your hair?
Yes.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
I'd sleep forever if I could.
Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning?
Hair dye does not give you skin cancer.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
As long as they don't do it excessively.
Best summer of your life?
Kinda thought it was this past one. Would probably be wrong about that.
Do you find piercings attractive?
I suppose.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Kaitlyn and/or Drew
What were you doing last night at midnight?
Watching a movie up at Edgewood.
Fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing?
Long story.
What/Who are you obsessed with?
*shrug*
Waiting for something?
Eh
Last December, what was your love life like?
Various states of nonexistance. Like always.
Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
"What do you want?"
Was last night terrible?
Eh
When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
I just keep going.
Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?
Not entirely?
Are you the type of person to make people laugh?
Eh
What's so special about what you're wearing?
It's kinda warm?
If you had to choose one: strawberries or grapes?
about three hours away right now.
Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
Yes. He's got a new girl now, why bother calling me?
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Drewble
Did you sleep alone last night?
Nope. Kaitlyn and I had the bed, Drew had the floor.
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Yes. Ain't never worked out.
Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
A little.
Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars?
Maybe?
The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
None.
Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Probably never.
Do you like when people play with your hair?
Yes.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
I'd sleep forever if I could.
Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning?
Hair dye does not give you skin cancer.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
As long as they don't do it excessively.
Best summer of your life?
Kinda thought it was this past one. Would probably be wrong about that.
Do you find piercings attractive?
I suppose.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Kaitlyn and/or Drew
What were you doing last night at midnight?
Watching a movie up at Edgewood.
Fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing?
Long story.
What/Who are you obsessed with?
*shrug*
Waiting for something?
Eh
Last December, what was your love life like?
Various states of nonexistance. Like always.
Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
"What do you want?"
Was last night terrible?
Eh
When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
I just keep going.
Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?
Not entirely?
Are you the type of person to make people laugh?
Eh
What's so special about what you're wearing?
It's kinda warm?
If you had to choose one: strawberries or grapes?
Strawberries
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
Accept
First and middle name please?
Melanie Elizabeth
Do you have a favorite number?
9 and 13
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Eh
Who is your last received call from?
Courtney
Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
Not anymore he doesn't.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Prolly not.
How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
She wouldn't be pleased I don't think.
Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
Sure
Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?
I kinda think so.
How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None... pretty sure that was before midnight.
Will you be single over this winter?
I'm pretty sure.
How often do you say you're sorry?
Always
Did you date anyone over the summer?
Part of the summer.
Do you miss your past?
Parts of it.
Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?
No.
Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone?
It depends on what friends I'm with.
Who are you missing?
No one?
Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
Eh. I know how to take a joke. But make a joke about the same subject twice in a row in the same manner and yes, I will have a problem.
Lets say you get pregnant by the last person you kissed. What do you do?
Start planning his funeral, because I would not have consented and Drew and Bunny are gonna kill him.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
Yes
Do you have feelings for someone?
Unfortunately, in a sense.
How many piercings do you have?
4
Tattoos?
None yet
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Antigua
Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Nope
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A hug.
What was for dinner tonight?
Barbecue sandwich, beans, cornbread, and cole slaw.
Last kiss mean anything?
Yes. It meant goodbye.
Who was the last male you talked to in person?
Drewbie
Does anyone love you?
No.
Do you curse in front of your parents?
Nah
Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Always
Does anyone hate you?
Prolly
What were you doing before you got on the computer?
Talking to Drew and Kaitlyn.
Could you handle living together with the last person you texted?
Yes. We'll probably room together next year.
Who are you more like, your mom or your dad?
Mom, I hope
Do you avoid physically unattractive people, even before knowing them?
Nah, but I can usually gauge whether or not I'm gonna get along with someone just by looking at them.
Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?
I love you a lot.
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans
Could you date someone taller than you?
Yes.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
Accept
First and middle name please?
Melanie Elizabeth
Do you have a favorite number?
9 and 13
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Eh
Who is your last received call from?
Courtney
Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
Not anymore he doesn't.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Prolly not.
How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
She wouldn't be pleased I don't think.
Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
Sure
Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?
I kinda think so.
How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None... pretty sure that was before midnight.
Will you be single over this winter?
I'm pretty sure.
How often do you say you're sorry?
Always
Did you date anyone over the summer?
Part of the summer.
Do you miss your past?
Parts of it.
Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?
No.
Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone?
It depends on what friends I'm with.
Who are you missing?
No one?
Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
Eh. I know how to take a joke. But make a joke about the same subject twice in a row in the same manner and yes, I will have a problem.
Lets say you get pregnant by the last person you kissed. What do you do?
Start planning his funeral, because I would not have consented and Drew and Bunny are gonna kill him.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
Yes
Do you have feelings for someone?
Unfortunately, in a sense.
How many piercings do you have?
4
Tattoos?
None yet
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Antigua
Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Nope
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A hug.
What was for dinner tonight?
Barbecue sandwich, beans, cornbread, and cole slaw.
Last kiss mean anything?
Yes. It meant goodbye.
Who was the last male you talked to in person?
Drewbie
Does anyone love you?
No.
Do you curse in front of your parents?
Nah
Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Always
Does anyone hate you?
Prolly
What were you doing before you got on the computer?
Talking to Drew and Kaitlyn.
Could you handle living together with the last person you texted?
Yes. We'll probably room together next year.
Who are you more like, your mom or your dad?
Mom, I hope
Do you avoid physically unattractive people, even before knowing them?
Nah, but I can usually gauge whether or not I'm gonna get along with someone just by looking at them.
Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?
I love you a lot.
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans
Could you date someone taller than you?
Yes.
Monday, September 14, 2009
It's late.
So, I can't sleep, so instead I'm blogging. Weird, right? Anyway. The following was originally written to be a response to a post Mrs. Tolstoy (http://unwaveringthunder.blogspot.com/) wrote a while back about writing. In particular, I was stricken by how Mrs. Tolstoy criticized the Twilight series.
What does that have to do with this evening's post? Well, see, nothing. Except that I've had this GREAT idea for a story cooking in my head. And tonight I was reading a book (What I Saw and How I Lied) that made me question my idea for my story. Which is better: historic fiction that requires much outside research, or modern fiction that is the crutch for most modern writers? Either way, I'd be losing. It would never get published, surely, but I'm not aiming for that. I'm aiming for something that people will read and connect with, even if they don't think they will. I'll write a full post on Twilight or writing or whatever if anyone wants. But that's not the point. The point is that... well, I lost my train of thought and don't know what the point was. I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Stupid writerness keeping me up when I have a 9 a.m. class tomorrow. Whatever.
Peace, love, and ginger cat cookies.
I agree that Stephenie Meyer isn't the *best* writer ever. In fact, it's hard for me to not take a red pen to her books. And certainly, whoever edits her stuff should be shot (seriously, she meant "past" but wrote "passed".). But I've come to find that the Twilight books aren't about the writing. It's about the story itself. Maybe I'm not a writer because I've only ever felt remotely connected to maybe two things I've ever written. But, and maybe it's just for me, but the story that is present, the modern-day fairytaleness of the whole thing, is beautiful and achingly romantic and drives me to tears.
What does that have to do with this evening's post? Well, see, nothing. Except that I've had this GREAT idea for a story cooking in my head. And tonight I was reading a book (What I Saw and How I Lied) that made me question my idea for my story. Which is better: historic fiction that requires much outside research, or modern fiction that is the crutch for most modern writers? Either way, I'd be losing. It would never get published, surely, but I'm not aiming for that. I'm aiming for something that people will read and connect with, even if they don't think they will. I'll write a full post on Twilight or writing or whatever if anyone wants. But that's not the point. The point is that... well, I lost my train of thought and don't know what the point was. I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Stupid writerness keeping me up when I have a 9 a.m. class tomorrow. Whatever.
Peace, love, and ginger cat cookies.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
College
Tonight marks exactly one week that I've been in college. I've noticed a few things. I've noticed that I really don't miss home as much as I thought I would, but I do miss my mommy. I've also noticed that it's much easier to get work done when you can control what time you get up in the morning and how much time you have between classes. I've noticed that I am much happier here at this time than I was at school this time last year. Except.... until I remembered last fall. I was a mess last fall. You all know this, because I started my blog last summer. Maybe it's the fact that my two best friends up here are in the process of pairing up (which was completely unexpected for me and one of these friends) and my irrational fear of being alone forever is, well, being confirmed in my mind, right in front of my eyes. Maybe it's the fact that one of these friends dragged me to go see a scary movie (Drag Me to Hell) and I was completely unphased by the entire thing (it wasn't scary. At all.). Or maybe it's the fact that I've felt a panic attack coming on for three days and it hasn't happened yet, and I'm scared for when it does happen, because I won't have control of my location or company. Right now I'm in my room alone, as my roommate is probably out at a party, and everyone else is off doing their thing. (BTW, everyone please pray for Bubbles's grandfather, who is in the hospital.).
I thought college was a good thing. But, see, being alone at home is different from being alone three hours from home. At least home's comfortable. This new place is comfortable... but has that strong sense of isolation with it as well. Oh well. At least the campus is gorgeous.
Peace, love, and crazy Eastern European ladies who curse buttons.
I thought college was a good thing. But, see, being alone at home is different from being alone three hours from home. At least home's comfortable. This new place is comfortable... but has that strong sense of isolation with it as well. Oh well. At least the campus is gorgeous.
Peace, love, and crazy Eastern European ladies who curse buttons.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
It's the Old Format!!!
I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Like, even before the dreaded event almost a week ago.There are a few things I want in life. I want a career I love. I want a son named Adam Michael. I want a daughter with an unusual but practical name, like Evelyn or Lucille. I want to live in a nice house in a suburb, with a lawn and maybe a neighborhood park. And I want to get married.
They're all nice ambitions, right? One problem though: there's kind of an order that needs to be followed. And if one doesn't happen, the ones that follow it won't happen. My ideal order is:
- Career
- Married
- Suburb
- Son
- Daughter
So what does all this have to do with the PostSecret above?
I'm afraid I'll never get married. I'm behind in the dating world. While the rest of my friends have been dating and having sex since age 12, I wasn't considered dateable until I was almost eighteen years old. And I'm saving myself for marriage. That seems to annoy people.
I can imagine various details about my wedding: my dress (big and poofy), my bridesmaid's dresses (green), and sometimes even the venue (specifically, one of the local Catholic churches that, once I start going to church again, is my pick of what parish I would belong to).
What can't I imagine? The man I'll be marrying. I mean, I know that I can't imagine that because I probably haven't met him yet, but it annoys me that I've never actually had someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. I can't even imagine what qualities that person might have. And I'm afraid that since I don't even know what I want, I'll never have that. But I think I have another problem. See, I'm a diehard romantic. But I'm also very, very in touch with reality. I've seen that marriages don't always work out. I've seen how modern society works. The romantic side of me is relatively old-fashioned. A lot of guys think that's a turn off. I guess the one quality I know I'll find in the man I end up marrying is that he'll love my old-fashioned perspective... even if his isn't.
And if I don't get married? I dunno. Maybe I'll be a workaholic until my brain crumbles into crazy-cat-lady mode.
That's my ramble for tonight.
Peace, love, and stuffed mushrooms.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Waking Hours
I couldn't sleep last night, which is why I graced you all with that lovely rendition of the story of my relationship. It's been a weird 24 hours.
I have a slight cut on my ankle from a shaving accident a couple weeks ago. Once I *finally* got to sleep last night, I slept for an hour before discovering that said cut had started to bleed. So after I applied a random T-shirt to said gushing wound, I fell back into a slightly unrestful sleep. I'm not gonna lie, I thought the uncontrollable sobbing would have tired me out enough to sleep. But then the thunderstorm came, and I found myself awake, and crying.
I made it through today without crying, or even getting choked up. I'm very proud of myself. I mean, it's not like I just went through a frickin' divorce or anything... but it still hurts. I didn't think it would happen so soon, or like this.... and I suppose I'm just expected to pretend I'm all right and talk to him like nothing's wrong. Or maybe he hurts as much as I do, but since he's a male he won't actually admit it. He still hasn't really acknowledged that the relationship is over, even though technically, although it was mutual, *he* broke it off.
All right. Well. At this point I'm just bein' an emo kid. So I'm just gonna leave it here.
Peace, love, and cake in a microwave.
I have a slight cut on my ankle from a shaving accident a couple weeks ago. Once I *finally* got to sleep last night, I slept for an hour before discovering that said cut had started to bleed. So after I applied a random T-shirt to said gushing wound, I fell back into a slightly unrestful sleep. I'm not gonna lie, I thought the uncontrollable sobbing would have tired me out enough to sleep. But then the thunderstorm came, and I found myself awake, and crying.
I made it through today without crying, or even getting choked up. I'm very proud of myself. I mean, it's not like I just went through a frickin' divorce or anything... but it still hurts. I didn't think it would happen so soon, or like this.... and I suppose I'm just expected to pretend I'm all right and talk to him like nothing's wrong. Or maybe he hurts as much as I do, but since he's a male he won't actually admit it. He still hasn't really acknowledged that the relationship is over, even though technically, although it was mutual, *he* broke it off.
All right. Well. At this point I'm just bein' an emo kid. So I'm just gonna leave it here.
Peace, love, and cake in a microwave.
Sleepless
So, it's been over a month since I last posted. My apologies.
What's happened in that time?
I got my laptop back. And Tubaman and I broke up. And right now, I can't sleep, so instead I will tell the story of Tubaman and Bassoonage.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Catnip, who went by Bassoonage when she was at school. Anyway, Bassoonage was given the honor of being in the pit orchestra for the school musical. This is when she met Tubaman, the tuba player from her concert ensemble who would later become the tuba player for the musical. Eventually, during tech week for the show, Tubaman and Bassoonage started "talking" in the sense that the beginnings of some kind of relationship were there, but Bassoonage didn't know what was going on because she was a silly, naive girl, as she has been for most of her life.
There was a complication at this early part of our story. You see, Tubaman was believed to be dating, or at least "talking," with one of the trombone players, who was soon kicked out of school for truancy. And so Bassoonage just wrote off any advances Tubaman made towards her as typically strange male behavior. Which was probably how this should have been interpreted, because all males are strange. However. Our story does continue henceforth.
Both Tubaman and Bassoonage live their lives accordingly. In the middle of December, "talking" commences between the two again, because they have both been forced to spend much time at school for the Christmas Fine Arts Festival. During this time, Tubaman asks for and receives Bassoonage's cell phone number. But nothing happens. Meanwhile, Bassoonage does not get her hopes up at all because any relationship between the two would never, ever work out for more than a week... or so she feared.
You see, there were many distinct differences between Bassoonage and Tubaman. Bassoonage was a painfully shy, awkward Senior who was going through her rebellious phase and trying to find herself while dealing with being the odd, creatively challenged, nerdy, slightly overweight and aesthetically-challenged, naive young thing she was. Bassoonage was as white as the cinderblock walls of the school, and as athletic as a one-year-old with a stomach ache. Tubaman, on the other hand, was a well-adjusted, outgoing Sophomore to whom social interaction came easily. Tubaman was experienced in the world, a popular young man who was a talented soccer player and lacrosse player hailing from Jamaica, and essentially the paragon of perfection to many, many young ladies in the school.
It came to pass that Tubaman and Bassoonage had a common half-hour of free time together on certain schedule days, and the two came to know each other better. Bassoonage, in her final year of high school, found that the Prom, the highlight of her entire high school career, was drawing nearer, yet she had no date. Thus she decided to ask her good friend Tubaman, whom she was increasingly becoming fond of. And thus it came to pass that the two would go to the prom together.
As the annual band trip also came upon our two young musicians, it was unknowingly agreed upon that Tubaman and Bassoonage would spend their time exclusively together on the trip. Somehow, the untrue word that the two were dating spread around the music ensembles, and by the end of the trip, the relationship was almost official. Almost.
The two continued to spend time together, and after a full day of enjoying each others' company during the semi-annual Honor Band festivities, Tubaman bestowed a kiss unto Bassoonage in the evening. All was blissful in both worlds, and both young people were very happy. Through more discussion the following day, a relationship between Tubaman and Bassoonage became official.
Enthralled with the new bond, there was nary a quarrel between the two. The Prom came around, and it was indeed a perfect evening for Tubaman and Bassoonage. The 18th Birthday of Bassoonage came around, and Tubaman was sure to show her a lovely time. Graduation came around, and as Bassoonage left behind her high school life, Tubaman was sure to prove how proud he was of his beloved Bassoonage.
Eventually, though, Tubaman and Bassoonage began to quarrel. Bassoonage knew that the relationship would soon end because she would be leaving soon for college, and Tubaman would be left behind to finish high school. Then, one night, some of Tubaman's friends took hold of his cell phone and replied to Bassoonage's text messages in a very unpleasant manner, calling her terrible names and telling her that Tubaman disliked her. Bassoonage felt very bad through this whole ordeal; she had been less than a proper lady when she had been with Tubaman during the day and had meant to apologize, but was instead met with this torture. Bassoonage admitted to the friends that she was indeed unfit to be in a relationship with Tubaman, and asked that the message please be passed on that Tubaman should call Bassoonage at his earliest convenience. The conversation was brief, because Tubaman had other affairs to attend to. Bassoonage, however, felt that the situation had properly been remedied, and returned to her daily routines.
Meanwhile, all Bassoonage truly wanted was to be held by her Tubaman, to hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him, because for some reason she really felt the need for such activities to occur. Bassoonage thought of nothing else during this time.
A few days after the quarrel with Tubaman's friends, however, Bassoonage mentioned something about their relationship to Tubaman, who replied that he thought that the relationship had ended on Bassoonage's word. Bassoonage was confused, but after further discussion it was decided that Bassoonage and Tubaman would no longer be together. Bassoonage did her best to remain strong, but it hurt her badly. She had not expected the relationship to end in such a manner, and she would never get one last chance to be with Tubaman before the relationship ended. Tubaman assured her that she would find someone else who should treat her better, but this was hard for Bassoonage to imagine, for Tubaman had treated her so well. Bassoonage replied by assuring Tubaman that he would always be able to find someone more worthy than she had been, but Tubaman would not hear of such a thing. The two decided to remain friendly, but in truth Bassoonage knew it would be a long time before any contact with Tubaman would not result in her lamenting tears.
The End.
R.I.P my relationship: April 5, 2009, until July 27, 2009. Begun and ended in a text message.
More to come when I've gotten this out of my system. There's your story.
Peace, love, and sleepless nights.
What's happened in that time?
I got my laptop back. And Tubaman and I broke up. And right now, I can't sleep, so instead I will tell the story of Tubaman and Bassoonage.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Catnip, who went by Bassoonage when she was at school. Anyway, Bassoonage was given the honor of being in the pit orchestra for the school musical. This is when she met Tubaman, the tuba player from her concert ensemble who would later become the tuba player for the musical. Eventually, during tech week for the show, Tubaman and Bassoonage started "talking" in the sense that the beginnings of some kind of relationship were there, but Bassoonage didn't know what was going on because she was a silly, naive girl, as she has been for most of her life.
There was a complication at this early part of our story. You see, Tubaman was believed to be dating, or at least "talking," with one of the trombone players, who was soon kicked out of school for truancy. And so Bassoonage just wrote off any advances Tubaman made towards her as typically strange male behavior. Which was probably how this should have been interpreted, because all males are strange. However. Our story does continue henceforth.
Both Tubaman and Bassoonage live their lives accordingly. In the middle of December, "talking" commences between the two again, because they have both been forced to spend much time at school for the Christmas Fine Arts Festival. During this time, Tubaman asks for and receives Bassoonage's cell phone number. But nothing happens. Meanwhile, Bassoonage does not get her hopes up at all because any relationship between the two would never, ever work out for more than a week... or so she feared.
You see, there were many distinct differences between Bassoonage and Tubaman. Bassoonage was a painfully shy, awkward Senior who was going through her rebellious phase and trying to find herself while dealing with being the odd, creatively challenged, nerdy, slightly overweight and aesthetically-challenged, naive young thing she was. Bassoonage was as white as the cinderblock walls of the school, and as athletic as a one-year-old with a stomach ache. Tubaman, on the other hand, was a well-adjusted, outgoing Sophomore to whom social interaction came easily. Tubaman was experienced in the world, a popular young man who was a talented soccer player and lacrosse player hailing from Jamaica, and essentially the paragon of perfection to many, many young ladies in the school.
It came to pass that Tubaman and Bassoonage had a common half-hour of free time together on certain schedule days, and the two came to know each other better. Bassoonage, in her final year of high school, found that the Prom, the highlight of her entire high school career, was drawing nearer, yet she had no date. Thus she decided to ask her good friend Tubaman, whom she was increasingly becoming fond of. And thus it came to pass that the two would go to the prom together.
As the annual band trip also came upon our two young musicians, it was unknowingly agreed upon that Tubaman and Bassoonage would spend their time exclusively together on the trip. Somehow, the untrue word that the two were dating spread around the music ensembles, and by the end of the trip, the relationship was almost official. Almost.
The two continued to spend time together, and after a full day of enjoying each others' company during the semi-annual Honor Band festivities, Tubaman bestowed a kiss unto Bassoonage in the evening. All was blissful in both worlds, and both young people were very happy. Through more discussion the following day, a relationship between Tubaman and Bassoonage became official.
Enthralled with the new bond, there was nary a quarrel between the two. The Prom came around, and it was indeed a perfect evening for Tubaman and Bassoonage. The 18th Birthday of Bassoonage came around, and Tubaman was sure to show her a lovely time. Graduation came around, and as Bassoonage left behind her high school life, Tubaman was sure to prove how proud he was of his beloved Bassoonage.
Eventually, though, Tubaman and Bassoonage began to quarrel. Bassoonage knew that the relationship would soon end because she would be leaving soon for college, and Tubaman would be left behind to finish high school. Then, one night, some of Tubaman's friends took hold of his cell phone and replied to Bassoonage's text messages in a very unpleasant manner, calling her terrible names and telling her that Tubaman disliked her. Bassoonage felt very bad through this whole ordeal; she had been less than a proper lady when she had been with Tubaman during the day and had meant to apologize, but was instead met with this torture. Bassoonage admitted to the friends that she was indeed unfit to be in a relationship with Tubaman, and asked that the message please be passed on that Tubaman should call Bassoonage at his earliest convenience. The conversation was brief, because Tubaman had other affairs to attend to. Bassoonage, however, felt that the situation had properly been remedied, and returned to her daily routines.
Meanwhile, all Bassoonage truly wanted was to be held by her Tubaman, to hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him, because for some reason she really felt the need for such activities to occur. Bassoonage thought of nothing else during this time.
A few days after the quarrel with Tubaman's friends, however, Bassoonage mentioned something about their relationship to Tubaman, who replied that he thought that the relationship had ended on Bassoonage's word. Bassoonage was confused, but after further discussion it was decided that Bassoonage and Tubaman would no longer be together. Bassoonage did her best to remain strong, but it hurt her badly. She had not expected the relationship to end in such a manner, and she would never get one last chance to be with Tubaman before the relationship ended. Tubaman assured her that she would find someone else who should treat her better, but this was hard for Bassoonage to imagine, for Tubaman had treated her so well. Bassoonage replied by assuring Tubaman that he would always be able to find someone more worthy than she had been, but Tubaman would not hear of such a thing. The two decided to remain friendly, but in truth Bassoonage knew it would be a long time before any contact with Tubaman would not result in her lamenting tears.
The End.
R.I.P my relationship: April 5, 2009, until July 27, 2009. Begun and ended in a text message.
More to come when I've gotten this out of my system. There's your story.
Peace, love, and sleepless nights.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lalalalala
Greetings, people!
According to Blogger, my last post was.... February 8. What is today? Today, my friends, is June 18. So what does this mean to you? Probably nothing. You probably barely noticed my absence. But for those of you who DID, and miss my life and its stories, let me give you a brief run-through of life since then. Please note that February and March are horrible blurs I never want to think about again.
February: Uh.... Valentine's Day? I curled up in a ball and slept. I don't mind V-Day though. I was just very tired most likely.
March: Uh... From the endish of February to the beginning of March, my mommy was in the hospital with a kidney infection. She's fine now. But I had to take her place taking care of the house while she was sick. March 3rd was her birthday. I made her a cake. That cake lasted until late April. No lie. (But the cake is a lie?) Later that month, blurring into April....
April: I started/continued talking to Tubaman, who may get his own post eventually. Then he asked me out (like, all official-like, which will get its own post) on April 5, 2009. Aprilaprilapril... Could not have finished fast enough. Like, really, when was May going to get there? Also, my laptop contracted Swine Flu and had to be sent to my friend's house to be analyzed for repairs.
May: Right off the bat, I turned 18. May 4, 2009. This will slightly complicate things with Tubaman, but that will be discussed the next time I post (if I remember). Still no word on the laptop. Prom with Tubaman. Dramallamallama. Finals. News that the hard drive in my laptop died, and that it will be $80 to get a new one. Gradjitation (May 23). I win. Laptop was said to have been available by that date. Two days later, I find out that laptop is indefinitely being held until the part comes in.
June: The part still isn't in. I really hate using the desktop (hence why I haven't blogged). I managed to rid the desktop of its viruses though. Go me. In other news, Tubaman and I are still together, but I'm not sure for how much longer. Also, Bubbles seems to have vanished. I mean, I'm sure if I hired a bloodhound like the cat does in the kitty litter commercial, I could find her. And I know she's still alive, because she sent me a chain text! All is not lost with my Bubbles! But I don't know why she hasn't responded to my IMs. I do hope she's okay. She's my best friend after all.
So what does the future hold for me as of now? This weekend, I'm going to Frostburg, MD, for Preview FSU, which is like a pre-orientation thingy. I really don't want to go, actually, but I have to. Oh well. I said the same thing about Senior Retreat in April/May and ended up having a good time.
Oh, and I have another post already generated in my head. (Not the Tubaman post, though.)
Peace, love, and Bobcats.
According to Blogger, my last post was.... February 8. What is today? Today, my friends, is June 18. So what does this mean to you? Probably nothing. You probably barely noticed my absence. But for those of you who DID, and miss my life and its stories, let me give you a brief run-through of life since then. Please note that February and March are horrible blurs I never want to think about again.
February: Uh.... Valentine's Day? I curled up in a ball and slept. I don't mind V-Day though. I was just very tired most likely.
March: Uh... From the endish of February to the beginning of March, my mommy was in the hospital with a kidney infection. She's fine now. But I had to take her place taking care of the house while she was sick. March 3rd was her birthday. I made her a cake. That cake lasted until late April. No lie. (But the cake is a lie?) Later that month, blurring into April....
April: I started/continued talking to Tubaman, who may get his own post eventually. Then he asked me out (like, all official-like, which will get its own post) on April 5, 2009. Aprilaprilapril... Could not have finished fast enough. Like, really, when was May going to get there? Also, my laptop contracted Swine Flu and had to be sent to my friend's house to be analyzed for repairs.
May: Right off the bat, I turned 18. May 4, 2009. This will slightly complicate things with Tubaman, but that will be discussed the next time I post (if I remember). Still no word on the laptop. Prom with Tubaman. Dramallamallama. Finals. News that the hard drive in my laptop died, and that it will be $80 to get a new one. Gradjitation (May 23). I win. Laptop was said to have been available by that date. Two days later, I find out that laptop is indefinitely being held until the part comes in.
June: The part still isn't in. I really hate using the desktop (hence why I haven't blogged). I managed to rid the desktop of its viruses though. Go me. In other news, Tubaman and I are still together, but I'm not sure for how much longer. Also, Bubbles seems to have vanished. I mean, I'm sure if I hired a bloodhound like the cat does in the kitty litter commercial, I could find her. And I know she's still alive, because she sent me a chain text! All is not lost with my Bubbles! But I don't know why she hasn't responded to my IMs. I do hope she's okay. She's my best friend after all.
So what does the future hold for me as of now? This weekend, I'm going to Frostburg, MD, for Preview FSU, which is like a pre-orientation thingy. I really don't want to go, actually, but I have to. Oh well. I said the same thing about Senior Retreat in April/May and ended up having a good time.
Oh, and I have another post already generated in my head. (Not the Tubaman post, though.)
Peace, love, and Bobcats.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I recognize this song, but I have no idea what it is.
It's been a rough couple of days. To sum it all up, my "best friends" at school have accused me of lusting after one girl's boyfriend. I have no interest in him whatsoever. And they all turned on me. But I'm not going to let it get to me because I have bigger things to worry about. Like how I think this person I know may have a "thing" with the object of my affection. But I'm probably just being paranoid. Especially considering early in the week I could've sworn I was getting signs that he might be interested in me. That was probably just wishful thinking though. But who knows?
I'd like to apologize for my last post. Please disregard it.
I have little intention of doing a real post this week.
Peace, love, and STRING QUARTET TRIBUTE!
I'd like to apologize for my last post. Please disregard it.
I have little intention of doing a real post this week.
Peace, love, and STRING QUARTET TRIBUTE!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaah!
Fantasmic news!
I have a date on Sunday! We're going to see Mall Cop!
I am sooo excited!!!
But. On to a more serious topic. Tinkerbell was pregnant. And had a miscarriage. She's not very happy right now. So I am going to buy her a Frosty and a penguin.
I have a date on Sunday! We're going to see Mall Cop!
I am sooo excited!!!
But. On to a more serious topic. Tinkerbell was pregnant. And had a miscarriage. She's not very happy right now. So I am going to buy her a Frosty and a penguin.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
AbCdEfG......
Over the summer, I was in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar with a local teen theatre group. I was in the chorus, nothing major or anything. I went through the entire summer dancing and singing and whatnot (even though I don't really sing well and can barely walk on a flat surface without falling). In the blocking, after Pilate whips Jesus, the chorus members were supposed to run off stage from their various stations on the low platform.
It may help if I explain that the different levels were as follows: Stage, 2-foot platform, Left and Right 6-foot platforms, and 8-foot platform. Anyway. The low platform was only two feet off the ground. It's high enough that a fall would hurt a little, but not so high that any major damage would really be done. There were steps at the corner of this platform, and those are what we were supposed to run down. To also help give you an idea of the picture, each of the young ladies was wearing a skirt, pants, a shirt, and a vest, plus soft, flexible jazz dance shoes, which are a little slippery to walk in considering all the dust that's on the various pieces of stage.
Anyway. So we got through tech week and opening night without too much of a problem. The first Saturday performance, though, resulted in me running down the steps and.... losing my balance while running down. Like I said, I'm not a graceful person. I managed to fall out of most of the audience's view, and really only the people on stage facing me saw it happen. I caught myself -- all 183 or so pounds of myself at the time -- on both my hands and my right knee. It stung on my knee a bit, as any running collision from any height onto a solid wood stage would. It stung on my right hand, but that's because I caught most of my weight there first. So I hobbled backstage and our costume mistress/cast mommy/mother of our director gave me an ice pack for my knee, since it was slowly becoming more and more painful to use that leg. Anyway, fast forward to the next day. I am told to modify my dance movements if I think I am up for dancing. So that is what I do. My leg still hurts, but as long as I'm not paying attention to it it's fine.
Fast forward to the Wednesday afternoon performance. We did a meditation thing before the show, and Teapot went to help me up afterward. I stood up... but jostled my knee in such a way that it was quite painful. Later that evening, I went to the doctor to be told that... oh, you've just pulled something, blah blah, take this Motrin prescription and ace bandage, get yourself a knee brace, blah blah, RICE it. So I do that. And eventually it gets to the point that I can use it decently again.
Now, my knee acts up sometimes. One of those times is today. I did absolutely nothing to it (that I can remember) and now it hurts just like it did then. So I'll have to see how this one works.
Oh! In other news! My friend Lohn is trying to set me up with Ducky. That should be interesting. I have no idea why he is doing such, or even that he really is doing such (he could be joking, but who knows?). I just thought I'd update you on that.
Peace, love, and Jesus hippies.
It may help if I explain that the different levels were as follows: Stage, 2-foot platform, Left and Right 6-foot platforms, and 8-foot platform. Anyway. The low platform was only two feet off the ground. It's high enough that a fall would hurt a little, but not so high that any major damage would really be done. There were steps at the corner of this platform, and those are what we were supposed to run down. To also help give you an idea of the picture, each of the young ladies was wearing a skirt, pants, a shirt, and a vest, plus soft, flexible jazz dance shoes, which are a little slippery to walk in considering all the dust that's on the various pieces of stage.
Anyway. So we got through tech week and opening night without too much of a problem. The first Saturday performance, though, resulted in me running down the steps and.... losing my balance while running down. Like I said, I'm not a graceful person. I managed to fall out of most of the audience's view, and really only the people on stage facing me saw it happen. I caught myself -- all 183 or so pounds of myself at the time -- on both my hands and my right knee. It stung on my knee a bit, as any running collision from any height onto a solid wood stage would. It stung on my right hand, but that's because I caught most of my weight there first. So I hobbled backstage and our costume mistress/cast mommy/mother of our director gave me an ice pack for my knee, since it was slowly becoming more and more painful to use that leg. Anyway, fast forward to the next day. I am told to modify my dance movements if I think I am up for dancing. So that is what I do. My leg still hurts, but as long as I'm not paying attention to it it's fine.
Fast forward to the Wednesday afternoon performance. We did a meditation thing before the show, and Teapot went to help me up afterward. I stood up... but jostled my knee in such a way that it was quite painful. Later that evening, I went to the doctor to be told that... oh, you've just pulled something, blah blah, take this Motrin prescription and ace bandage, get yourself a knee brace, blah blah, RICE it. So I do that. And eventually it gets to the point that I can use it decently again.
Now, my knee acts up sometimes. One of those times is today. I did absolutely nothing to it (that I can remember) and now it hurts just like it did then. So I'll have to see how this one works.
Oh! In other news! My friend Lohn is trying to set me up with Ducky. That should be interesting. I have no idea why he is doing such, or even that he really is doing such (he could be joking, but who knows?). I just thought I'd update you on that.
Peace, love, and Jesus hippies.
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