Say What You Need To Say

Maybe you haven't noticed, but I say nothing useful in this blog. There's no message, there's no theme. There's just words on a screen. Words that no one even reads. My poetry's the same way. There's no purpose. It's just ink on paper. I wish I had a message, a purpose, a meaning, a mission. Something that I could stand on a mountain and shout to the valley below and feel good about. Something that people will remember long after I've gone. I'm sick of being unintelligent and apathetic, but it's not something that you can willingly change. It's the inspiration, the conversion, the out-of-nowhere thought train that hits you at a thousand miles an hour. And I've never had one, and fear that I never will as long as I am waiting for one. In fact, I know that I will not for as long as I am waiting for one.
I hope John Mayer writes his own song lyrics, because I'd like to admire him for that. I'd like to quote him as telling the world "Say what you need to say." That is the summary of tonight's blog. I don't know what I need to say, though, so I cannot follow his instructions. I feel like somewhere there is something stuck inside me that one day, I will scream to the world. I've imagined it. I will be driving home, and it will hit me, and I will pull over on the side of the road and scream it, with my arms raised to the sky. Of course, I'm just a romantic. The real scenario will involve me whispering it as I sit in traffic, if it happens at all. It will be a day that I completely stop caring about everything, more than I have now. Apathy beyond the norm for a teenager. But I know this.
One day, I will forget that I am apathetic, and that is the day that I will find my message.
The day I will find my purpose.
The day I will find my meaning.
The day I will find my mission.

The day I will have something to say.